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TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. Discuss both views & give your own opinion. v.4

TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. v. 4
Opinions are divided on whether city life is becoming less easy or whether living in big cities is getting less demanding. While I understand why some people support to the former view, I am in favor of the latter. I understand why people believe that it is getting more challenging to live in big cities. From their point of view, big cities have a large immigrant population which leads to overpopulation. As a result, there will be an increase in life demands. Consequently, citizens have to face high living cost and they find it difficult to make ends meet. Another point to be made is that growth of personal vehicles such as automobiles, motorbikes, … results in daily traffic congestion. This causes increased pollution because of exhaust fumes. The bad thing about it is that city dwellers will be damaged the respiratory system or even lung diseases if they go out without masks. Nevertheless, I still side with those who believe that city life is becoming easier. This is due to the fact that cities have many medical centers which are opened 24 hours a day, have modern facilities and employ well-trained medical staff. This allows citizens to receive timely treatment. Thanks to this, they can ensure their health. Another reason to be given is that the big cities have various means of transport such as buses, subways, taxies, … which help people can easier travel around the cities or other countries. Therefore, city dwellers can not only have many different ways to get to work or school but also they can make vacation plans by quickly booking transportations in advance. In conclusion, despite acknowledging why some people think that living in the big cities is becoming more demanding. I hold the belief that it is getting less difficult.
Opinions
are divided
on whether city life is becoming less easy or whether living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is getting less demanding. While I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support to the former view, I am in favor of the latter.

I understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is getting more challenging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. From their point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have a large immigrant population which leads to overpopulation.
As a result
, there will be an increase in life demands.
Consequently
, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face high living
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cost and
they find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. Another point to
be made
is that growth of personal vehicles such as automobiles, motorbikes, … results in daily traffic congestion.
Did you mean "these"?
This
causes increased pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of exhaust fumes. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing about it is that city dwellers will
be damaged
the respiratory system or even lung diseases if they go out without masks.

Nevertheless
, I
still
side with those who believe that city life is becoming easier.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medical centers which
are opened
24 hours a day, have modern facilities and employ well-trained medical staff. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
citizens to receive timely treatment. Thanks to this, they can ensure their health. Another reason to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have various means of transport such as buses, subways,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "taxis", the plural form of the noun 'taxi'?
taxies
, … which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can easier travel around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or other countries.
Therefore
, city dwellers can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to work or school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vacation plans by
quickly
booking transportations in advance.

In conclusion
, despite acknowledging why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is becoming more demanding. I hold the belief that it is getting less difficult.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay TOPIC: Some people believe that living in big cities is becoming more difficult. Others believe it is getting easier. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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