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Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of your society? v.2

Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. v. 2
It is unarguable that television has had considerable impact and changed the world in which we live. However there is a debate whether that change has been for the better or worse, when we consider cultural development. While there are certainly strong feelings on both sides of argument in Western Europe. My own view is that television has had a largely positive influence on our society. There are, however, several reasons why it can be argued that television has a negative effect on cultural development. Perhaps the principal argument is the lowbrow nature of any programmes, particularly sitcoms and soap operas. People who watch these programmes do not learn anything, they are simply entertained. The other major argument is that because people watch so much television, they no longer take part in more traditional forms of cultural entertainment. An example here is how traditional dancing and music is becoming much less popular because people are staying at home to watch the television. On the other hand, there are a variety of ways in which cultural development has been assistant by television. Here the major argument is that television has allowed the whole of society access to cultural entertainment. For example, in the nineteenth century, only a small population of people could go to the ballet or the theater. However, it is now possible for everyone to enjoy these on television. As second positive effect is that on television we can learn more about other cultures and societies because there are so many interesting documentaries about other countries. My personal conclusion is that television is a largely positive influence. However, it is important that we do not watch it too much and that we watch the right sort of programme. If we watch the wrong sort of programme and watch too much television, we may become couch potatoes.
It is unarguable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has had considerable impact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the world in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there is a debate whether that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has been for the better or worse, when we consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
development. While there are
certainly
strong feelings on both sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
in Western Europe. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has had a
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on our society.

There are,
however
, several reasons why it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
development. Perhaps the principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is the lowbrow nature of any
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
,
particularly
sitcoms and soap operas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
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watch
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
do not learn anything, they are
simply
entertained. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, they no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more traditional forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
entertainment. An example here is how traditional dancing and music is becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
less popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are staying at home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the television.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are a variety of ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
development has been assistant by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Here the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the whole of society access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
entertainment.
For example
, in the nineteenth century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could go to the ballet or the theater.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible for everyone to enjoy these on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. As second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
we can learn more about
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other
cultures and societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting documentaries about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

My personal conclusion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
and that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the right sort of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
sort of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, we may become couch potatoes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Television has had a significant influence on the cultural of many societies. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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