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People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past, what are the reasons for this? What do you think can be done for it? v.1

People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past, what are the reasons for this? What do you think can be done for it? v. 1
The decreasing fitness level of people is being increasingly witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main reasons why this change has occurred and also suggest solutions to cope with it. There are numerous compelling reasons why this is happening and the prominent one is that most of us are working under huge pressures nowadays due to the pace of people’s life is way faster compared to the past, so we have to work harder if we want to pursue a higher achievement in our future career. Additionally, people tend to have an unhealthy lifestyle because they always struggle to maintain a work-life balance. For instance, a recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that almost 80% of full time workers consume an excessive amount of junk food weekly because of limited private time. As a result, people are becoming less fit and healthy because of these factors. The solutions to tackle difficulties related to this tendency is not simple, but they do exist. In order to mitigate the risks of this development, raising people’s health awareness is critical as people can separate their work time and spare time more easily once they realized the significance of maintaining a work-life balance. In addition, the governments can build up more accessible exercising facilities for the public. Take myself for example, my whole family benefit a lot from a newly open public park in my hometown. As can be seen, these measures have a profound impact on us. To sum up, the dropping level of people’s health is ubiquitous in recent years. This essay discussed the main reasons why this is happening and also suggest various methods to prevent this issue from worsening.
The decreasing fitness level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is being
increasingly
witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main reasons why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has occurred and
also
suggest solutions to cope with it.

There are numerous compelling reasons why this is happening and the prominent one is that most of us are working under huge pressures nowadays due to the pace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life is way faster compared to the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder if we want to pursue a higher achievement in our future career.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have an unhealthy lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always struggle to maintain a work-life balance.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that almost 80% of full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
workers consume an excessive amount of junk food weekly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of limited private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less fit and healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these factors.

The solutions to tackle difficulties related to this tendency is not simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do exist. In order to mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of this development, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health awareness is critical as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can separate their work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
easily
once they realized the significance of maintaining a work-life balance.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can build up more accessible exercising facilities for the public. Take myself
for example
, my whole family benefit a lot from a
newly
open public park in my hometown. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, these measures have a profound impact on us.

To sum up, the dropping level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health is ubiquitous in recent years. This essay discussed the main reasons why this is happening and
also
suggest various methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this issue from worsening.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past, what are the reasons for this? What do you think can be done for it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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