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Inventors are not as important to society as doctors To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors v. 1
People have conflicting views with regard to the role of fathers of inventions in this modern world, with some claiming that they are of greater importance than their counterparts who works in medical services. Although various devices and tool have absolutely improved our quality of life throughout history, I still believe that medical workers are much more important than inventors. Perhaps no one can deny the indispensable part of many thousands of medic practitioners, especially at the time of rising outbreak of human infectious disease. A doctor does on a daily basis challenging works, such as surgeries or operations, and gives effective treatment or prescription medicine to patients who are regularly in pain or overly anxious about their health status. For example, clinicians can even the life of a person who is on the verge of death due to accidents or fatal illnesses, and bring him back to a normal healthy lifetime. Moreover, such public workers tend to be really kind-hearted and humane, and they are willing to attend a variety of community charity programs like blood donation or free health care. From my perspective, I can understand why many hold the view that inventors and creators are at least equally important as those working in medical fields. Firstly, inventions such as the computer or smartphone have revolutionized the way we work, study or even entertain. Without such creations, I cannot imagine how our current world would be like and it would be extremely to maintain contact with our friends or acquaintances who reside far from us. Secondly, some machines or gadgets are employed in thousands of hospitals or clinics in order to serve the purpose of saving people’s life and it would be so complicated for a doctor to diagnose diseases without the help of modern medic equipment and facilities. Despite those benefits, it is my firm belief that a general practitioner always tries his best to safeguard patients with or without the presence of such medical devices, thus creators or generators will never be able to compare with a medic worker. To summarize, it seems to me that an inventor cannot overpass a doctor in terms of saving lives as well as strenuous work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have conflicting views with regard to the role of fathers of inventions in this modern world, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claiming that they are of greater importance than their counterparts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services. Although various devices and tool have
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our quality of life throughout history, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
workers are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than inventors.

Perhaps no one can deny the indispensable part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
thousands of medic practitioners,
especially
at the time of rising outbreak of human infectious disease. A doctor does on a daily basis challenging works, such as surgeries or operations, and gives effective treatment or prescription medicine to patients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
regularly
in pain or
overly
anxious about their health status.
For example
, clinicians can even the life of a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is on the verge of death due to accidents or fatal illnesses, and bring him back to a normal healthy lifetime.
Moreover
, such public workers tend to be
really
kind-hearted and humane, and they are willing to attend a variety of community charity programs like blood donation or free health care.

From my perspective, I can understand why
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "many holds".
many hold
the view that inventors and creators are at least
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as those working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
fields.
Firstly
, inventions such as the computer or smartphone have revolutionized the way we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, study or even entertain. Without such creations, I cannot imagine how our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world would be like and it would be
extremely
to maintain contact with our friends or acquaintances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reside far from us.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
machines or gadgets
are employed
in thousands of hospitals or clinics in order to serve the purpose of saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life and it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
complicated for a doctor to diagnose diseases without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of modern medic equipment and facilities. Despite those benefits, it is my firm belief that a general practitioner always tries his best to safeguard patients with or without the presence of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
devices,
thus
creators or generators will never be able to compare with a medic worker.

To summarize
, it seems to me that an inventor cannot overpass a doctor in terms of saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
as strenuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Inventors are not as important to society as doctors v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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