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People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix this? v.2

People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix this? v. 2
In modern society, shopping is the daily routine of the family. While some people are of the opinion that it is all time advantage to purchase local products, I believe that does not always have a positive effect to buy those products On the one hand, people argue that it is always useful to buy local products because they think that it has many benefits Firstly, the local products are readily available in the market compared with the other stock of availability. Secondly, the price of the products tends to be cheaper and eco-friendly to the people who are all living their lifestyle under budget. Finally, there is less possibility for a chance to product mismatch. Almost considerably with the other marketing products. For example, In 2019, times of India reported that people those who are all buying local products are increased by 20℅ as compared with the previous year 2018. On the other hand, I believe that purchasing local products could not be an ideal option due to a few reasons. Firstly, the quality of the product cannot match the branded one, though the price is cheaper in the market. This implies a consequence of poor standard and life span of the products would not be more. Secondly, Though it is cheaper, there was an increased rate for duplication of product in local markets. If the products are worth in quality, there would be lots of consumer who love to buy the products. Finally, Some products lack the guarantee and warranty option and this dearth affects the stock. Because people want to exchange and replace the damaged material which they brought from the local market. For instance, In 2016, A study conducted by Cambridge University has found that 70℅ of costumers who are all not satisfied with their recently purchased product. In conclusion, I completely disagree that purchasing the local products cannot be an all time advantage
In modern society, shopping is the daily routine of the family. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that it is all time advantage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, I believe that does not always have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
products


On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is always useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
readily
available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
compared with the other stock of availability.
Secondly
, the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
tends to be cheaper and eco-friendly to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are all living their lifestyle under budget.
Finally
, there is less possibility for a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
mismatch. Almost
considerably
with the other marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, In 2019, times of India reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are all buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are increased
by 20℅ as compared with the previous year 2018.

On the other hand
, I believe that purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
could not be an ideal option due to a few reasons.
Firstly
, the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
cannot match the branded one, though the price is cheaper in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
. This implies a consequence of poor standard and life span of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
would not be more.
Secondly
, Though it is cheaper, there was an increased rate for duplication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are worth in quality, there would be lots of consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
lack the guarantee and warranty option and this dearth affects the stock.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to exchange and replace the damaged material which they brought from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
.
For instance
, In 2016, A study conducted by Cambridge University has found that 70℅ of costumers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are all not satisfied with their recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
product.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree that purchasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
cannot be an
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
advantage
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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