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People are getting over dependent on the internet and phones Is it a positive or negative development v.2

People are getting over dependent on the internet and phones Is it a positive or negative development v. 2
It is not an exaggeration to say that modern life is highly cohesive with technology. In my opinion, over-dependent on anything can be detrimental and therefore moderate use should be encouraged. However, let us further analyse the benefits and drawbacks of this trend. Advantages of the internet are countless. Mobile phones and devices have brought the internet to the fingertips of people. For instance, the increasing popularity of mobile apps has made everyday tasks more convenience while providing great satisfaction to the user. Moreover, productivity and effectiveness of work have been increased in every sector advancing economies and overall life quality globally. To elaborate, if we consider the healthcare sector and the agricultural sector, we can understand how the internet has changed people' s lives. Surgeries are been conducted online and anybody can order organic food which the love from a distant country just by using their handphone. If the internet was not there, these things would be just science fictions. However, extreme addiction to the internet and mobile devices can cause adverse medical problems. Lack of physical exercise and concomitant obesity is one of the prime issues. Individual' s addiction to the mobile screen has isolated them from society and consequently, mental issues such as depression are getting increased. In fact, as many researchers have already suggested, children' s addiction to the internet and mobile devices can detrimentally effect on their education and health. Admittedly, the internet is one of the best resources for education and it is vital for modern schools. Therefore, educating children to use it properly should have the utmost priority. To recapitulate, in spite of the plethora of advantages which the internet and mobile phones provide, people should use them in moderation and more consciously to get the maximum outcome.
It is not an exaggeration to say that modern life is
highly
cohesive with technology. In my opinion, over-dependent on anything can be detrimental and
therefore
moderate
use
should
be encouraged
.
However
,
let
us
further
analyse
the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.

Advantages of the internet are countless. Mobile phones and devices have brought the internet to the fingertips of
people
.
For instance
, the increasing popularity of mobile apps has made everyday tasks more convenience while providing great satisfaction to the user.
Moreover
, productivity and effectiveness of work have
been increased
in every sector advancing economies and
overall
life quality globally. To elaborate, if we consider the healthcare sector and the agricultural sector, we can understand how the internet has
changed
people&
#039; s
lives
. Surgeries
are been
conducted online and anybody can order organic food which the
love
from a distant country
just
by using their
handphone
. If the internet was not there, these things would be
just
science fictions.

However
, extreme addiction to the internet and mobile devices can cause adverse medical problems. Lack of physical exercise and concomitant obesity is one of the prime issues.
Individual&
#039; s addiction to the mobile screen has isolated them from society and
consequently
, mental issues such as depression are getting increased. In fact, as
many
researchers have already suggested,
children&
#039; s addiction to the internet and mobile devices can
detrimentally
effect on their education and health.

Admittedly
, the internet is one of the best resources for education and it is vital for modern schools.
Therefore
, educating children to
use
it
properly
should have the utmost priority.

To recapitulate,
in spite of
the plethora of advantages which the internet and mobile phones provide,
people
should
use
them in moderation and more
consciously
to
get
the maximum outcome.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay People are getting over dependent on the internet and phones Is it a positive or negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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