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People are encouraged to get rid of things in order to get newest fashion and latest technologies. Do the disadvantages of throwaway society outweigh the economic advantages? v.2

People are encouraged to get rid of things in order to get newest fashion and latest technologies. Do the disadvantages of throwaway society outweigh the economic advantages? v. 2
In the modern world, many people are willing to follow new trends and fashion. In this reason, they are keen to throw away old things such as technologies, clothes and accessories, in order to buy new ones. However, these consumer behaviour can lead to fatal consequences. First of all, producing a plethora of disposable things can pollute the surrounding world. That is to say, individuals can damage to the environment, if they continue their habits of purchasing things for single-use. A good illustration of this is pollution, because many resources and materials, such as marine and natural resources, are contaminated, because of disposal things. Secondly, modern people should economize things in order to utilize them efficiently and save their funds. It is widely accepted that if people use things more productively, they can spend their money to purchase other things. For example, they can buy accommodation or private cars, if they do not spend their money to purchase new clothes and technologies. On the other hand, throwaway society can expand manufacturers’ production and business. Therefore, this can develop companies, and lead economy of the country to the prosperous. For example, if consumers start to buy new things, instead of using old ones, this gives an opportunity for companies to produce more goods and services. Furthermore, such kind of behaviour can motivate people to earn more money, behaviour if they notice new items from other people, they can intend to purchase these goods as soon as possible, and this desire can motivate them to earn. For example, when famous American company Apple introduces their new gadget, such as iPhone and MacBook, many people intend to buy these items, and they work hard in order to afford this mobile phone. To conclude, although many people reckon that throwaway society can be useful for the economy, others feel that this kind of habit can lead to overuse of resources and materials, which is negatively influenced on natural resources.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
trends and fashion. In this reason, they are keen to throw away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things such as technologies, clothes and accessories, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.
However
,
Did you mean "this consumer" or "these consumers"?
these consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can lead to fatal consequences.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, producing a plethora of disposable things can pollute the surrounding world.
That is
to say, individuals can damage to the environment, if they continue their habits of purchasing things for single-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources and materials, such as marine and natural resources,
are contaminated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of disposal things.
Secondly
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should economize things in order to utilize them
efficiently
and save their funds. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
things more
productively
, they can spend their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
For example
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
accommodation or private cars, if they do not spend their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
clothes and technologies.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, throwaway society can expand manufacturers’ production and business.
Therefore
, this can develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and lead economy of the country to the prosperous.
For example
, if consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things,
instead
of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones, this gives an opportunity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to produce more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
Furthermore
, such kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn more money,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
if they notice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
items from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they can intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, and this desire can motivate them to earn.
For example
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Apple introduces their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadget, such as iPhone and MacBook,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
these items, and they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to afford this mobile phone.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that throwaway society can be useful for the economy, others feel that this kind of habit can lead to overuse of resources and materials, which is
negatively
influenced on natural resources.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People are encouraged to get rid of things in order to get newest fashion and latest technologies. Do the disadvantages of throwaway society outweigh the economic advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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