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People are encouraged to get rid of things in order to get newest fashion and latest technologies. Do the disadvantages of throwaway society outweigh the economic advantages? v.1

In today Era, there have been great advancement observed in the field of technology. As a result, the craving of humans for new things have immensely increased. Although having every liable facility for life, people are buying newly developed things. Due to the fact they are getting rid of themselves from olden things. While removing or selling the olden thing for the sake of getting new things which has latest fashion sense and latest technology can be beneficial, but I would argue that keeping old things has more advantages. As there is a saying "old is gold" similarly olden things have their prominent place in everyone's life. Some things does not have value that it used to have and is not working in a great manner. However, if the thing hold an emotional connect for a people than they should not get rid of such valuable thing. For example, if a person has bought anything from the first salary after working hard. Even though there may be another thing with advanced feature after few years, the person would not remove or element the old thing due to the person's emotional bonding. Nowadays it has been noticed people tend to throw away various items only for the purpose of buying unnecessary items which are least useful to them. However, globalization is increasing day by day and technology is making the life fast paced. As a result, people are getting highly attracted towards newly developed products with latest advanced feature. Even though the olden product is working in a great condition, the person buys the new product only for the sake of remaining up to date with the latest trends. To conclude, according to me the throwaway culture of society can be an undermining aspect. However, life is not a piece of cake everyone works hard for earning money. Wasting same money on some irrelevant thing for the reason of fashion and technology can have adverse effect on life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
Era, there have been great advancement observed in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
As a result
, the craving of humans for new things have
immensely
increased. Although having every liable facility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying
newly
developed things. Due to the fact they are getting rid of themselves from olden things.

While removing or selling the olden thing for the sake of getting new things which has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
fashion sense and latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would argue that keeping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things has more advantages.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
there is a saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is gold
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
similarly
olden things have their prominent place in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
things
You should probably use "do".
does
not have value that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have and is not working
Consider replacing "in a great manner" with the adverb for "great"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a great manner
.
However
, if the thing hold an emotional connect for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of such valuable thing.
For example
, if a person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
anything from the
first
salary after working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Even though
there may be another thing with advanced feature after few years, the person would not remove or element the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
thing due to the person's emotional bonding.

Nowadays it has
been noticed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to throw away various items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the purpose of buying unnecessary items which are least useful to them.
However
, globalization is increasing day by day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
highly
attracted towards
newly
developed products with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
advanced feature.
Even though
the olden product is working in a great condition, the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
the new product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the sake of remaining up to date with the latest trends.

To conclude
, according to me the throwaway culture of society can be an undermining aspect.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not a piece of cake everyone works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for earning money. Wasting same money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
irrelevant thing for the reason of fashion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can have adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Get rid of old things to get the newest fashion and the latest technology. Do the disadvantages of a throwaway outweigh advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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