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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 4
It is true that many people do not get enough exercise all the time, and this has caused some health issues. In my opinion, people’s busy lifestyle and the difficulty in accessing exercise facilities cause such problems, and companies, communities, and government should all play a role to tackle this problem. First of all, it is sometimes impossible for people to find a time slot to exercise during the workday. Nowadays, people at work are normally sitting and working in front of computers, and their schedules are always packed with meetings and different tasks. With no easy access to any exercise facilities at work, employees can not just leave work and go to a gym nearby, which is impractical and may not supported by their employers. Moreover, people are so used to watching TV and playing their phones as a way of relaxing in their spare time, and many people who are busy and under pressure at work feel it makes them more tired after exercise. Additionally, many communities do not have any sports centers, and the fee to use the gym is a relatively big expense for many families. To tackle people’s health problems caused by their lack of exercise, some actions can be taken to improve the situation. Firstly, companies can have some exercise facilities, such as a ping pong table that allows people to exercise during their break at work. Companies can also gift gym memberships as a part of employees’ benefits to encourage them to exercise more regularly. Secondly, local communities and the government should work together to put more budget in building public sports centers so that more residents can have easy access to. Thirdly, educational videos and posters can be put on public transportations and social media to educate people the benefits of exercise, which can help reduce stress and depression, as well as, the chance of heart disease and diabetes. Finally, local communities can also host sports events like biking competition and marathons to raise people’s interests in different sports. To sum up, people are lack of time and resources to exercise, and local companies, communities and the government should all take measures to encourage people to exercise and provide them public sports facilities.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and this has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
busy lifestyle and the difficulty in accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities cause such problems, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should all play a role to tackle this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
slot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during the workday. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
are
normally
sitting and working in front of computers, and their schedules are always packed with meetings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks. With no easy access to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, employees can not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and go to a gym nearby, which is impractical and may not
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "support"
supported
by their employers.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to watching TV and playing their phones as a way of relaxing in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are busy and under pressure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
feel it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more tired after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers, and the fee to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the gym is a
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
expense for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families.

To tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health problems caused by their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities, such as a ping pong table that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during their break at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
can
also
gift gym memberships as a part of employees’ benefits to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more
regularly
.
Secondly
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together to put more budget in building public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more residents can have easy access to.
Thirdly
, educational videos and posters can
be put
on public transportations and social media to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression,
as well
as, the chance of heart disease and diabetes.
Finally
, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can
also
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like biking competition and marathons to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interests in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should all take measures to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and provide them public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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