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In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 1
In various nations, prison sentence is a common punishment for offenders. While some hold the view that training is more beneficial than custody, the other disagree. In my idea, education has more benefit rather than other retributions. I will state the reasons for my view in this essay. The most compelling reason for holding to my view is that prison sentence is useless to prevent criminals from reoffending. Firstly, no practical change would happen in their life as a prisoner. As committing crimes is a consequence of how people think and their mindset is, deep and real changes should be created in their thoughts to turn over a new leaf. It would not be achieved unless appropriate and adequate training schemes are considered. It can be really helpful for those who are enticed by others to become an offender. Moreover, committing crimes is not only because of lack of education, but also because of being jobless that may lead people to some offences: smuggling, mugging and theft to earn money. If people learn a skill, their chance for finding a job will be increased. So, teaching a skill can make offenders to find a job and possibility of reoffending would be lessened in this situation. Another reason for my position is that being in a jail has some drawbacks as well as physical and mental hurts and should be altered by another punishment such as education. Despite all protecting measures, many diseases and injuries can be observed in jails. Sometimes, health condition is not acceptable in prisons. Nor can a wide variety of viruses and bacteria exist there. In addition, it is common in jails that criminals fall out with each other. So, some of them will be hurt. On the other hand, becoming homesick, depressed and disappointed is one of the hazards that can threaten prisoners mentally. In conclusion, prison sentence has some demerits that are really significant. However, many advantages can be achieved by training criminals.
In various nations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence is a common punishment for offenders. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hold the view that training is more beneficial than custody, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disagree. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, education has more benefit
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
retributions. I will state the reasons for my view in this essay.

The most compelling reason for holding to my view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence is useless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
criminals from
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
.
Firstly
, no practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
would happen in their life as a prisoner. As committing crimes is a consequence of how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and their mindset is, deep and real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
should
be created
in their thoughts to turn over a new leaf. It would not
be achieved
unless appropriate and adequate training schemes
are considered
. It can be
really
helpful for those who
are enticed
by others to become an offender.
Moreover
, committing crimes is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being jobless that may lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
: smuggling, mugging and theft to earn money. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, their chance for finding a job will
be increased
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, teaching a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
offenders to find a job and possibility of
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
would
be lessened
in this situation.

Another reason for my position is that being in a jail has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
as well
as physical and mental hurts and should
be altered
by another punishment such as education. Despite all protecting measures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and injuries can
be observed
in jails.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, health condition is not acceptable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
. Nor can a wide variety of viruses and bacteria exist there.
In addition
, it is common in jails that criminals fall out with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them will
be hurt
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, becoming homesick, depressed and disappointed is one of the hazards that can threaten prisoners mentally.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits that are
really
significant.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages can
be achieved
by training criminals.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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