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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v.1

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 1
It is definitely true that the consumption of sugary drinks has dramatically increased in recent years. The properties found in such drinks are responsible for this, and various actions can be taken to deal with this situation. One of the major reasons why manufacturers make sugar-sweetened beverages is due to their highly addictive ingredients - sugar and caffeine - which are prevalent in the majority of such drinks. Based on recent scientific research, these substances can elevate energy levels as well as enhance mood, which are both very effective for people who do not have time to cook nutritious meals for themselves. Consequently, more and more customers, especially children, choose carbonated drinks as their instant energy boosters. Another reason for the popularity of such beverages is that they are becoming more readily available. It takes customers only a few minutes to purchase a carbonated drink from a supermarket, a store, or a vending machine. This kind of drink is so ubiquitous that there is little incentive for sweet-toothed people to give up their favorite drinks in the long term. Several measures can be implemented to counter this problem. One of these is to impose higher taxes on unhealthy drinks with a high sugar content so that they become unaffordable and less appealing to customers. An additional solution would be to reduce the vast amount of advertising for high-sugar beverages that mostly target children. Educational campaigns should also be run in schools and companies to raise awareness about the health risks associated with the excessive consumption of such drinks. In conclusion, a lot of factors have contributed to the trend towards increased consumption of sugary drinks. In turn, and due to their negative impact, several approaches must be taken to mitigate the consequences.
It is definitely true that the consumption of sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
has
dramatically
increased in recent years. The properties found in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are responsible for this, and various actions can
be taken
to deal with this situation.

One of the major reasons why manufacturers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sugar-sweetened beverages is due to their
highly
addictive ingredients
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
sugar and caffeine
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which are prevalent in the majority of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. Based on recent scientific research, these substances can elevate energy levels
as well
as enhance mood, which are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have time to cook nutritious meals for themselves.
Consequently
, more and more customers,
especially
children, choose carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
as their instant energy boosters. Another reason for the popularity of such beverages is that they are becoming more
readily
available. It takes customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few minutes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
from a supermarket, a store, or a vending machine. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
ubiquitous that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
incentive for sweet-toothed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to give up their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in the long term.

Several measures can
be implemented
to counter this problem. One of these is to impose higher taxes on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
with a high sugar content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they become unaffordable and less appealing to customers. An additional solution would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the vast amount of advertising for high-sugar beverages that
mostly
target children. Educational campaigns should
also
be run
in schools and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to raise awareness about the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with the excessive consumption of such drinks.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors have contributed to the trend towards increased consumption of sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. In turn, and due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact, several approaches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to mitigate the consequences.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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