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People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption? v.4

There is a tendency in consuming sugar-based beverages. There are some reasons in this type of behaviour, and this essay will encompass some solutions for this unhealthy habit. These days sugar-based drinks are produced and retailed all over the globe. These type of drinks are rich of chemicals, including sugar, which affects human body as a carve. As a result, this becomes an addict over time. Hence, the manufacturers know about this mental process, they include specific amount of sugar in the sodas. Excess amount of sugar in body leads to serious health problems as well as increased heart attack and diabets. Hopefully, we can inhibit this addiction before it becomes global health crisis. One solution for increased sugary drink compsumtion is prohibiting the percentage and variety of the chemicals put into the drink by law. Governments which are concerned about the health of their population are implementing legal acts to overcome sugar compsumtion. The other way is by educating people, especially young generations, to consume less sugar-based drinks, or even try not to use any sugar. Otherwise it becomes an addiction and body seeks sugar if it drops below certain levels. For example, an scientific research colcluded that kids who have tried minimum amount of sodas in their young ages, tend to consume less of them in older ages. In conclusion, as increasing demand for sugar contained drinks is becoming normality, the mentioned solutions can be very simple but effective in implementation. Because, being conscious about the perils of sugar and habits it leads, should make somebody become more disciplined in healthy lifestyle.
There is a tendency in consuming sugar-based beverages. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons in this type of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, and this essay will encompass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for this unhealthy habit.

These days sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are produced
and retailed all over the globe. These type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are rich of chemicals, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, which affects human body as
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'carve' is correct. If 'carve' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a carve
.
As a result
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
an addict over time.
Hence
, the manufacturers know about this mental process, they include specific amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in the sodas. Excess amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in body leads to serious health problems
as well
as increased heart attack and
Possible spelling mistake found.
diabets
.
Hopefully
, we can inhibit this addiction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
global health crisis.

One solution for increased sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
Possible spelling mistake found.
compsumtion
is prohibiting the percentage and variety of the chemicals put into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
by law.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
which
are concerned
about the health of their population are implementing legal acts to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
Possible spelling mistake found.
compsumtion
. The other way is by educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
young generations, to consume less sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, or even try not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
an addiction and body seeks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
if it drops below certain levels.
For example
,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
scientific research
Possible spelling mistake found.
colcluded
that kids who have tried minimum amount of sodas in their young ages, tend to consume less of them in older ages.

In conclusion
, as increasing demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
contained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is becoming normality, the mentioned solutions can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective in implementation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, being conscious about the perils of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and habits it leads, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
somebody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more disciplined in healthy lifestyle.
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The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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