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Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention to their study in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem? v.1

Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention to their study in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem? v. 1
The energy, which is produced by wind and solar, is more beneficial and less harmful as compare to the power, which is produced by coal, oil and gas. There are several reasons to proof that, this is positive development rather than negative development. For example, carbon emission is the main drawback of the coals, oil and gas. The energy is our necessity to deal with our daily household activities; therefore, it should be cheap and easily accessible. Yet, a rich natural resource country can make the energy cheaply with these minerals, but she has to bear the cost of air and other pollutions. Moreover, these are not renewable and can be used for once. For example, if these resources are vanished from the earth, then our new generation cannot use it in the future, which will make this energy source more expensive. On the other side of the picture, wind and solar are sustainable sources of the energy production and these are not harmful for the environment. Thus, these are useful for everyone. To get energy from air, solar and water dam, government or individual need to bear expense just for once, after that they can enjoy the fruit in their whole life. Moreover, these are renewable resources, but there is a problem that gust and solar setup can only be established at the suitable places. To sum up the arguments, breeze and solar are suitable according to the weather conditions of the places, but these are more acceptable resources as compared to others, because these do not create the any type of pollution in the environment.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, which
is produced
by wind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
, is more beneficial and less harmful as compare to the power, which
is produced
by coal, oil and gas. There are several reasons to proof that, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
For example
, carbon emission is the main drawback of the coals, oil and gas.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is our necessity to deal with our daily household activities;
therefore
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
easily
accessible.
Yet
, a rich natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
country can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
cheaply
with these minerals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bear the cost of air and other pollutions.
Moreover
, these are not renewable and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for once.
For example
, if these resources
are vanished
from the earth, then our new generation cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the future, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source more expensive.

On the other side of the picture, wind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
are sustainable sources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
production and these are not harmful for the environment.
Thus
, these are useful for everyone. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
from air,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
and water dam,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or individual need to bear expense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for once, after that they can enjoy the fruit in their whole life.
Moreover
, these are renewable resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a problem that gust and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
setup can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be established
at the suitable places.

To sum up the arguments, breeze and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
are suitable according to the weather conditions of the places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are more acceptable resources as compared to others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these do not create the any type of pollution in the environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention to their study in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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