Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A few language are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

A few language are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
A highly controversial issue today relates to whether it is essential for people to conduct activities that help develop their brains or relax their mind during leisure time. In this essay, I will examine this question from both points of view and then give my own opinion on the matter. On one side of the argument there are people who argue that the benefits of spending leisure time on doing things contributing to the development of their minds considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that people can make use of their free time to pursue self-development. As a result, they will have much more time to develop themselves and have higher chance to be successful in life. For example, nowadays, people are usually busy, so they have little time to read books. However, if they exploit their leisure time and use it for reading books, they will be able to acquire more knowledge than others. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact it is very necessary for people to relax and refresh their mind in their free time. People often have this opinion because humans should have time to recharge their batteries after working flat out. In other words, human brain will get exhausted if it always works hard without pauses. Therefore, resting the mind can help human beings gain more energy to work effectively. For instance, I usually listen to music of meditation to refresh my soul after working for a whole day. After listening to my favorite category of music, I feel more energetic and happy to finish my work. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that it is very important for people to do recreational activities to rest their mind because it will help them gain more energy to continue to work.
A
highly
controversial issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to whether it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to conduct activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop their brains or relax their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In this essay, I will examine this question from both points of view and then give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion on the matter.

On one side of the argument there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that the benefits of spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on doing things contributing to the development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
considerably
outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to pursue self-development.
As a result
, they will have much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to develop themselves and have higher chance to be successful in life.
For example
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
busy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read books.
However
, if they exploit their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for reading books, they will be able to acquire more knowledge than others.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax and refresh their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humans should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to recharge their batteries after working flat out.
In other words
, human brain will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted if it always works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
without pauses.
Therefore
, resting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
human beings gain more energy to work
effectively
.
For instance
, I
usually
listen to music of meditation to refresh my soul after working for a whole day. After listening to my favorite category of music, I feel more energetic and happy to finish my work.

In conclusion
, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do recreational activities to rest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain more energy to continue to work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A few language are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts