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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Technology innovation has remarkably changed our lifestyle. More and more people these days rely on mobile devices and networking to socialize and communicate. Although phones and the internet provide a convenient way of living, the over reliance will have a negative impact. One problem is that using phones and networking too long can post threat on people's health. There are tons of attractive games and videos available, and the fast-speed internet allows people to keep connected at any place. The long screen time can impair their vision and leads to an inactive lifestyle. Another issue is that the popularity of using electronic devices and net can also expose users to cyber crime. Online cloud storage and mobile applications allow people to store varieties of things like music, picture, and documents, and people may rely those functions to memorize lots of things including password, keychain, and even bank card. These information may be leaked without awareness, and they may risk of losing money and personal information. In contrast, the improvement of the cyberspace makes it possible for people to gain knowledge and broaden their horizons. People can use distance learning applications to study a new skill, and with the use of the internet, people are able to make friends from different countries. In conclusion, the development of technology opens a door for people to explore; however, it is crucial to use it in a proper way.
Technology innovation has
remarkably
changed
our lifestyle. More and more
people
these days rely on mobile devices and networking to socialize and communicate. Although phones and the internet provide a convenient way of living, the over reliance will have a
negative
impact.

One problem is that using phones and networking too long can post threat on
people
's health. There are tons of attractive games and videos available, and the
fast
-speed internet
allows
people
to
keep
connected at any place. The long screen time can impair their vision and leads to an inactive lifestyle.

Another issue is that the popularity of using electronic devices and net can
also
expose users to cyber crime. Online cloud storage and mobile applications
allow
people
to store varieties of things like music, picture, and documents, and
people
may
rely
those functions to memorize lots of things including password,
keychain
, and even bank card.
These information
may
be leaked
without awareness, and they may
risk
of losing money and personal information.

In contrast
, the improvement of the cyberspace
makes
it possible for
people
to gain knowledge and broaden their horizons.
People
can
use
distance learning applications to study a new
skill
, and with the
use
of the internet,
people
are able to
make
friends from
different
countries.

In conclusion
, the development of technology opens a door for
people
to explore;
however
, it is crucial to
use
it
in a proper way
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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