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People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development. v.2

People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 2
In this burgeoning domain, automation is the use of scientific knowledge for the welfare of all. Presently, masses are becoming dependent on the machinery. Here, I would like to discuss about the positive and negative development of this phenomenon. Numerous points can be mentioned to put the former view, to start from scratch, nowadays folks are busy in earning their bread and butter. They have a very hectic schedule. It is not possible for them to pay the bills by standing in the queue. Thus, on the account of the internet, they can easily pay their bills by amazon, and many more applications which helps to do online transactions. Moreover, automation provides an opportunity to develop the skills by pursuing online courses while sitting at home. Hence, depending on machinery has enormous benefits. Manifold points can be mentioned to endorse the latter view. Firstly, depending on internet have negative effects as, youngsters spent too much time on social sites by chatting with their near and dear ones which involves a sedentary lifestyle leads to obesity, eye vision and many more. In addition to it, children become anti-social and they have a lack of skills like social and communication skills. Hence, depending on automation has many negative effects. To recapitulate, it is rightly said that excess of everything is bad. Technology is a boon or bane foe us. Thus, the use of machinery is good, but within a limit.
In this burgeoning domain, automation is the
use
of scientific knowledge for the welfare of all.
Presently
, masses are becoming dependent on the machinery. Here, I would like to
discuss about the
positive
and
negative
development of this phenomenon.

Numerous points can
be mentioned
to put the former view, to
start
from scratch, nowadays folks are busy in earning their bread and butter. They have a
very
hectic schedule. It is not possible for them to pay the bills by standing in the queue.
Thus
, on the account of the internet, they can
easily
pay their bills by
amazon
, and
many
more applications which
helps
to do online transactions.
Moreover
, automation provides an opportunity to develop the
skills
by pursuing online courses while sitting at home.
Hence
, depending on machinery has enormous benefits.

Manifold points can
be mentioned
to endorse the latter view.
Firstly
, depending on internet have
negative
effects as, youngsters spent too much time on social sites by chatting with their near and dear ones which involves a sedentary lifestyle leads to obesity, eye vision and
many
more.
In addition
to it, children become
anti-social and
they have a lack of
skills
like social and communication
skills
.
Hence
, depending on automation has
many
negative
effects.

To recapitulate, it is
rightly
said that excess of everything is
bad
. Technology is a boon or bane foe us.
Thus
, the
use
of machinery is
good
,
but
within a limit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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