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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
The contentious argument that whether incessant dependence over cell phones and internet possess more advantages or disadvantages erupts a heated debate among many. In this essay, I will illustrate both the merits and demerits and explain why it has negative impacts on the society, as a whole. On the one hand, the emergence of internet and cell phone revolutionize the way of living, as It has now become an inevitable part of our life. It paves the way for modernization and globalization because everybody is somehow connected to every part of the world, whether you want to know what is in the news regarding any particular area, what are the latest developments in the field of medical science? Or simply if you want to stay connected with your friends and family around the world. For instance, in the past you need to go to abroad in order to do specialization in a field of study, which is not available in your country, but now you can easily enrol yourself for the online classes. Even though, the arrival of smart phones and other networking devices immensely benefited the human race, but it all comes with a tremendous price. The elevated depend on the mobile screen to perform multiple tasks reduces the physical motion which leads us to a sedentary lifestyle. To exemplify, prior to internet banking, commoners use to go to the bank to deposit or withdraw their money, but now all of this could be done at the convenience of your home. In this way not only does it restrict physical contact but also have devastating effects on the health of the masses. To recapitulate, however, the advent of technological devices does have both its pros and cons, but in this case the negative far out weights the positive.
The contentious argument that whether incessant dependence over cell phones and internet possess more advantages or disadvantages erupts a heated debate among
many
. In this essay, I will illustrate both the merits and demerits and
explain
why it has
negative
impacts on the society, as a whole.

On the one hand, the emergence of internet and cell phone revolutionize the way of living, as It has
now
become an inevitable part of our life. It paves the way for modernization and globalization
because
everybody is somehow connected to every part of the world, whether you want to know what is in the news regarding any particular area, what are the latest developments in the field of medical science? Or
simply
if you want to stay connected with your friends and family around the world.
For instance
, in the past you need to
go to abroad
in order to do specialization in a field of study, which is not available in your country,
but
now
you can
easily
enrol yourself for the online classes.

Even though
, the arrival of smart phones and other networking devices
immensely
benefited the human race,
but
it all
comes
with a tremendous price. The elevated depend on the mobile screen to perform multiple tasks
reduces
the physical motion which leads us to a sedentary lifestyle. To exemplify, prior to internet banking, commoners
use to
go to the bank to deposit or withdraw their money,
but
now
all of this could
be done
at the convenience of your home. In this way not
only
does it restrict physical contact
but
also
have devastating effects on the health of the masses.

To recapitulate,
however
, the advent of technological devices does have both its pros and cons,
but
in this case
the
negative
far out weights the
positive
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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