Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.3

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3
Nowadays, the world is heavily lodged into its new invention, that is Internet and Mobiles. While, some argue that, this dependency could affect the human kind adversely, there are many others who believe it to be a blessing to us. However, I believe it to be a positive development. In this age of technology, due to the availability of high internet and smart gadgets, people can get the knowledge regarding the events happening throughout the world. For instance, a person can find out about a musical concert that is going to take place overseas by just a few clicks. This advancement has given a person the power of knowledge of its surrounding and the happening of events world-wide. Moreover, devices such as cellular phones has made it easier than ever to connect with friends and family while away from them. This has also made it more convenient to connect with people you do not know and wish to be friends with. For example, if you have seen a person in your locality and you want to build contacts with him, a byproduct of the internet; social media site can help you connect with them. Thus, making us more social. Furthermore, the smart phones have made it extremely convenient for humans to save time. To illustrate, a person now can browse to shop or purchase products online, whilst sitting at home, or book, a movie ticket using their smart phone applications without having to go physically in a store or box office. Consequently, helping them to invest their time on more important matters. To summarise, the technology has made it very easy and time saving for the person using it. Therefore, the burgeoning use of the internet and mobiles has significantly impacted the life of the users in a progressive direction.
Nowadays, the world is
heavily
lodged into its new invention,
that is
Internet and Mobiles.

While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that, this dependency could affect the human kind
adversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others who believe it to be a blessing to us.
However
, I believe it to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

In this age of technology, due to the availability of high internet and smart gadgets,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening throughout the world.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can find out about a musical concert
that is
going to take place overseas by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few clicks. This advancement has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
the power of knowledge of its surrounding and the happening of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
world-wide.

Moreover
, devices such as cellular phones has made it easier than ever to connect with friends and family while away from them. This has
also
made it more convenient to connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you do not know and wish to be friends with.
For example
, if you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in your locality and you want to build contacts with him, a byproduct of the internet; social media site can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you connect with them.
Thus
, making us more social.

Furthermore
, the smart phones have made it
extremely
convenient for humans to save time. To illustrate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can browse to shop or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products online, whilst sitting at home, or book, a movie ticket using their smart phone applications without having to go
physically
in a store or box office.
Consequently
, helping them to invest their time on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matters.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the technology has made it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and time saving for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
using it.
Therefore
, the burgeoning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and mobiles has
significantly
impacted the life of the users in a progressive direction.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts