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The graph below shows the percentage of New Zealand primary school students learning a second language by language learned for the years 2006 to 2014 v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of New Zealand primary school students learning a second language by language learned for the years 2006 to 2014 v. 1
Certain individuals believe that when visiting tourist and cultural attractions of a nation, foreign visitors should pay more than local people. This essay strongly disagrees with the aforementioned statement. This essay will first, discuss that nation by charging more from foreign tourist will enable cultural difference between people and further, outline that foreigners will not visit such countries if they will have to pay more. It is clear that when foreign tourists will pay more for visiting historical places and other monuments, the nation is developing segregation among people on the basis of their culture. This is to say, foreigners will believe that just because they belong to a different religion, the province they are visiting is not treating them equalling and thus, they are asked to pay more. As a result, it will portray a bad image of the country reduce the amount of tourists. Apart from this, if the countries will charge more from foreign tourists, they will stop visiting the country because of high expenses. In other words, foreign people have already spent a huge amount of their income in buying tickets, booking hotels and food. If the countries will also force them to pay high ticket costs for visiting monuments. They will eliminate the idea of a trip to that province. As a consequence, the country's will attract a less number of tourists. To conclude, In my opinion, I vehemently agree, that province who charge huge amount of money from foreigners for visiting monuments, will not only exhibit the image of promoting cultural discrimination but will also attract a less number of tourists.
Certain individuals believe that when visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
and cultural attractions of a nation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
visitors should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more than local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay
strongly
disagrees with the aforementioned statement. This essay will
first
, discuss that nation by charging more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
will enable cultural difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
further
, outline that foreigners will not visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
if they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more for visiting historical places and other monuments, the nation is developing segregation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the basis of their culture. This is to say, foreigners will believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they belong to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religion, the province they are visiting is not treating them equalling and
thus
, they
are asked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more.
As a result
, it will portray a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of tourists.

Apart from this, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will charge more from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high expenses.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already spent a huge amount of their income in buying tickets, booking hotels and food. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
also
force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
high ticket costs for visiting monuments. They will eliminate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of a trip to that province. As a consequence, the country's will attract a less number of tourists.

To conclude
, In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that province who charge huge amount of money from foreigners for visiting monuments, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exhibit the image of promoting cultural discrimination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
attract a less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage of New Zealand primary school students learning a second language by language learned for the years 2006 to 2014 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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