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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.17

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 17
Shopping online, especially buying books, air tickets and groceries is getting viral among our life. In my point of view, though it absolutely has pros and cons, the strongpoints nearly overbalance the weaknesses. Firstly, it is no doubt that buying stuffs from the Internet has lots of hidden risks. Since we trade goods and money through the desktop’s screen, the possibility of being taken in is very high. In addition, hacker can also use your personal information such as: ID number, credit card number, . . For illegal purpose. On the other hand, shopping online firstly is extremely convenient and save time for us since in this modern life, people seem to fall in love with work more than with themselves or their family. Nowadays, the world is facing with an outbreak of Corona plague, it will prevent us from going out for buying stuffs and communicating with others people who can have pathogens inside their body. Besides, since shopping online era is opened, a number of countries will have another potential channel for consuming domestic and international goods, provide a rich financial resource for the country’s economy. Furthermore, it will also bring the number of employment opportunities for locals and decrease unemployment rate - the common concern of a whole society. To sum up, although buying goods from the Internet still exist some potential drawbacks, it is my belief that the benefits of shopping online will bring us a comfortable life as the main purpose of shopping online is increasing the standards of our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
books, air tickets and groceries is getting viral among our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my point of view, though it
absolutely
has pros and cons, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
strongpoints
nearly
overbalance the weaknesses.

Firstly
, it is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
stuffs from the Internet has lots of hidden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Since we trade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and money through the desktop’s screen, the possibility of
being taken
in is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
In addition
, hacker can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your personal information such as: ID
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
, credit card
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For illegal purpose.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
firstly
is
extremely
convenient and save time for us since in this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seem to fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with work more than with themselves or their family. Nowadays, the world is facing with an outbreak of Corona plague, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from going out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
stuffs and communicating with others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can have pathogens inside their body.

Besides
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
era
is opened
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of countries will have another potential channel for consuming domestic and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, provide a rich financial resource for the country’s economy.
Furthermore
, it will
also
bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employment opportunities for locals and decrease unemployment rate
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the common concern of a whole society.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from the Internet
still
exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks, it is my belief that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will bring us a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is increasing the standards of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 17

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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