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People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problems? v.1

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problems? v. 1
It is true that not many people nowadays can achieve in balance between their work and their personal life. There are several reasons for this issue and a variety of ways can take into account to tackle this hard problem. People are busier nowadays than in the past because of two main reasons. Firstly, they need to work hard to cover their living costs or to become a good leader or expert in their fields. Placing too much emphasis on their career, they neglect their personal hobbies and their relationships gradually. For instance, it is the fact that people these days become more workaholic and they go to their workplace too early and stay there late. Moreover, even when they are at home they also check their emails relating to their work. Some people claim that they do not have extra time to do anything that they like, this is because work and housework make up approximately all their time so sport or cinema seems to be a luxury. From several reasons mentioned above, individuals can use some practical ways to address the off-balance between work and personal life. It is crucial to have a clear timetable for their work and their leisure activities. Instead of focusing a lot on career, people should spend time for their favorite hobbies or their beloved people. Besides, people can be less ambitious in their job to have more time for their relationships. For example, workers do not need to become the most productive person in their company by working a lot and do not have any extra time for their holiday or their family. In conclusion, it is difficult to succeed in attaining balance between work and lives because of lack of the clear timetable or skills in planning. However, people can solve this issue by less focus on their ambitious career and they need to know the way to control their time for their work and their lives.
It is true that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays can achieve in balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and their personal life. There are several reasons for this issue and a variety of ways can take into account to tackle this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
problem.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are busier nowadays than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons.
Firstly
, they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to cover their living costs or to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leader or expert in their fields. Placing too much emphasis on their career, they neglect their personal hobbies and their relationships
gradually
.
For instance
, it is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workaholic and
they go to their workplace too early and stay there late.
Moreover
, even when they are at home they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their emails relating to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that they do not have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do anything that they like, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and housework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up approximately all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sport or cinema seems to be a luxury.

From several reasons mentioned above, individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical ways to address the off-balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and personal life. It is crucial to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
timetable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and their leisure activities.
Instead
of focusing a lot on career,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their favorite hobbies or their beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be less ambitious in their job to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their relationships.
For example
, workers do not need to become the most productive person in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
by working a lot and do not have any extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their holiday or their family.

In conclusion
, it is difficult to succeed in attaining balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
timetable or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in planning.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can solve this issue by less focus on their ambitious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
career and
they need to know the way to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems if people try to achieve this balance? How to overcome these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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