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Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age, for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age, for driving cars or riding motorbikes. v. 2
It is often argued that raising the minimum age at which people can drive cars or ride motorbikes will improve road safety. While I agree that this will somewhat solve the problem, more efforts should be put into nurturing people’s awareness of traffic problems and the feasible consequences thereof. On the one hand, raising the bar to the legal driving age could reduce the incidents of reckless driving on the road and therefore make sure that the road is safe enough for everyone. This is because many teenagers do not take full responsibility for their own and other’s safety and often commit driving offences. Even if they cause traffic accidents, they just do not have enough legal capacity to be responsible for those accidents and the ones who suffer injuries or even fatalities therefrom. For example, in Vietnam, there have been cases where teenagers do not wear helmets, speed and ride their motorbikes in the wrong lanes. These teenagers, however, are not incarcerated if they crashed and kill other people. On the other hand, to change the situation for the better in the long run, people should be educated about the consequences of driving carelessly. Images and billboards that feature real-life consequences of traffic accidents might be displayed on roads where accidents often take place. This visual evidence might deter people from driving recklessly and causing accidents. Also, schools at all levels could be asked to have training programs about traffic rules in their curricula and these should be repeated every year so that the rules can be embedded in students’ minds. These programs might then culminate in projects where students apply what they have learned to spread their awareness to their communities. In conclusion, although restricting the number of people who can drive by their age can make the experience on the road safer for everyone, it is more important that people be educated about what they can and cannot do.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that raising the minimum age at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can drive cars or ride motorbikes will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this will somewhat solve the problem, more efforts should
be put
into nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems and the feasible consequences thereof.

On the one hand, raising the bar to the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
age could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the incidents of reckless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
is safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for everyone. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not take full responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and other’s safety and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. Even if they cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
legal capacity to be responsible for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
and the ones who suffer injuries or even fatalities therefrom.
For example
, in Vietnam, there have been cases where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not wear helmets, speed and ride their motorbikes in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
lanes. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
however
, are not incarcerated if they crashed and kill other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the situation for the better in the long run,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be educated
about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
carelessly
. Images and billboards that feature real-life consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
might
be displayed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take place. This visual evidence might deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
recklessly
and causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
.
Also
, schools at all levels could
be asked
to have training programs about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in their curricula and these should
be repeated
every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can
be embedded
in students’ minds. These programs might then culminate in projects where students apply what they have learned to spread their awareness to their communities.

In conclusion
, although restricting the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can drive by their age can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the experience on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safer for everyone, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be educated
about what they can and cannot do.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age, for driving cars or riding motorbikes. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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