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People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it? v.1

People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it? v. 1
In the profoundly work-centred world, people would usually have home-based work if their jobs got unfinished. As a result, fewer people nowadays acknowledge work-life balance. This essay will discuss two possible causes of the problem and provide simple ways to overcome it as well. To begin with, people often suffer stress from their achievements and deadline. The fact that workaholic people are struggling for professional or academic ambition has forced them to spend much time working. Not only do they gain more money and experience from extra works, but they also get promoted. But would this kind of attainment solely contribute to this problem? Besides, unreasonable deadline compels them to accomplish plans delegated by strict managers or else they will get fired from their jobs. Consequently, this trend can be translated into loss of family time for unprecedented work. There are some measures which can be taken to alleviate this kind of problem. Firstly, it is suggested that high productivity would help you to complete tasks in working hours without taking your time at home. Sharpening working skills or further professional studying will certainly help to enhance working levels as well as efficiency. In addition, you should prioritize your health first and spend time for yourself. Hobbies, outdoor activities and sharing time with family moments may be things that you should pay much attention to. In these cases, work-life equilibrium will be properly maintained. To conclude, the essay explained the possible causes of this problem, namely their professional goals and deadline in the workplace. Having discussed issues, it insists that people should boost productivity and set your health as first priority to improve work-life balance.
In the
profoundly
Possible spelling mistake found.
work-centred
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
usually
have home-based work if their jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
unfinished.
As a result
, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays acknowledge work-life balance. This essay will discuss two possible causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and provide simple ways to overcome it
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from their achievements and deadline. The fact that workaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling for professional or academic ambition has forced them to spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they gain more money and experience from extra works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
would this kind of attainment
solely
contribute to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
?
Besides
, unreasonable deadline compels them to accomplish plans delegated by strict managers or else they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired from their jobs.
Consequently
, this trend can
be translated
into loss of family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for unprecedented work.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures which can
be taken
to alleviate this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, it
is suggested
that high productivity would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to complete tasks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours without taking your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. Sharpening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or
further
professional studying will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
levels
as well
as efficiency.
In addition
, you should prioritize your health
first
and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for yourself. Hobbies, outdoor activities and sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family moments may be things that you should pay much attention to. In these cases, work-life equilibrium will be
properly
maintained.

To conclude
, the essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the possible causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
namely
their professional goals and deadline in the workplace. Having discussed issues, it insists that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should boost productivity and set your health as
first
priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
work-life balance.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives. But few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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