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People aim to achieve balance in their work and lives. But few achieve it/ Causes and overcome v.1

People aim to achieve balance in their work and lives. But few achieve it/ Causes and overcome v. 1
It is apparent that an increasing number of people nowadays are unable to obtain a balance between their work and lives. This essay will elaborate on the several causes underlying this trend, and propose some measures in order to overcome this trend. It is undisputed that there are several reasons why many people might find it difficult to obtain a work-life balance. From a personal perspective, with the rapid population growth, the demand for the production workforce is sky-rocketing, resulting in employees coping with the excessive workload in order to meet their career demands. Consequently, employees working overtime results in the negligible of their families and friends and the difficulties of remaining stress-free. The same could be said for students whose goals are getting admitted to competitive and prestigious schools such as Havard. Dealing with assignments and essays, students are unable to allocate time for playing with video games or hanging out with their peers. However, there are several measures that could effectively tackle this problem. First and foremost, employees could enhance their time-management skills to balance their personal and professional life. This could be done by either setting up an appropriate schedule of working and leisure time or breaking down work into little chunks. In either way, one could have explicit goals of the week, therefore increasing productivity while having time for their loved ones and leisure activities. Furthermore, since happy and healthy employees are more productive, instead of increasing working hours, companies could arrange holidays or recreational activities for them. As a result, the companies could still meet the customers' demands while avoiding their employees to be at constant stress or have little time with their loved ones. In conclusion, the main reason for the minority of people obtaining a work-life balance is the demand for the production work-force, so besides measures such as enhancing time-management skills, it is advisable for job-seekers to be aware of the work environment and importance of remaining stress-free.
It is apparent that an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are unable to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between their work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This essay will elaborate on the several causes underlying this trend, and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures in order to overcome this trend.

It
is undisputed
that there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might find it difficult to obtain a work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
. From a personal perspective, with the rapid population growth, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for the production workforce is sky-rocketing, resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
coping with the excessive workload in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working overtime results in
The phrase 'the negligible of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the negligible of
their families and friends and the difficulties of remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free. The same could
be said
for students whose goals are getting admitted to competitive and prestigious schools such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
. Dealing with assignments and essays, students are unable to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing with video games or hanging out with their peers.

However
, there are several measures that could
effectively
tackle this problem.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could enhance their time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
their personal and professional life. This could
be done
by either setting up an appropriate schedule of working and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or breaking down work into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chunks. In either way, one could have explicit goals of the week,
therefore
increasing productivity while having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and leisure activities.
Furthermore
, since happy and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more productive,
instead
of increasing working hours,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could arrange holidays or recreational activities for them.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the customers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
while avoiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to be at constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

In conclusion
, the main reason for the minority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
obtaining a work-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for the production work-force,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
besides
measures such as enhancing time-management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it is advisable for job-seekers to be aware of the work environment and importance of remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People aim to achieve balance in their work and lives. But few achieve it/ Causes and overcome v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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