Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Education vital importance to individual development and the well-being of socities. What should education consist to fullfill both these functions? v.1

Education vital importance to individual development and the well-being of socities. What should education consist to fullfill both these functions? v. 1
Firstly, basic knowledge in a broad range of fields is a must. With a good foundation in natural and social sciences, students will be confident in comprehending the world as well as gaining self-confidence and self-esteem when discussing topics with their peers and sharing opinions as an essential part of socializing in their later life. In fact, people have taken many actions to protect our planet due to what they have learned from school. In addition to a wide range of knowledge, practical skills have to be highlighted in [an] education curriculum. These days, employers usually complain about the graduates’ lack of working skills such as experience working in the field, time management; and their insufficiency in completing their daily duties at work. The blame is mainly on schools because students allocate a substaintial amount of time studying at school, thus detering students to acquire interpersonal or soft skills. Teaching students how to cook, how to fix a car, and how to update the latest technology and to solve problems efficiently in the information technology era is a better preparation for them. At the same time for the sake of societies, students should be taught to be good citizens. Not only should students learn about their responsibilities to the living environment but also how to take care of others, especially their caring of the disabled and the elderly are advised to be core values in the syllabus. The more caring and sympathy the children are, the safer and more prosperous the society will be. To conclusion, education shapes the future world in every way. Hence, it is a mission of educators and authorities to establish an efficient educational curriculum for the development of society as a whole. It would be better if the next generation becomes knowledgeable, proficient at work and responsible to their community.
Firstly
, basic knowledge in a broad range of fields is a
must
. With a
good
foundation in natural and social sciences,
students
will be confident in comprehending the world
as well
as gaining self-confidence and self-esteem when discussing topics with their peers and sharing opinions as an essential part of socializing in their later life. In fact,
people
have taken
many
actions to protect our planet due to what they have learned from school.

In addition
to a wide range of knowledge, practical
skills
have to
be highlighted
in [an] education curriculum. These days, employers
usually
complain about the graduates’ lack of working
skills
such as experience working in the field, time management; and their insufficiency in completing their daily duties at work. The blame is
mainly
on schools
because
students
allocate a
substaintial
amount of time studying at school,
thus
detering
students
to acquire interpersonal or soft
skills
. Teaching
students
how to cook, how to
fix
a car, and how to update the latest technology and to solve problems
efficiently
in the information technology era is a better preparation for them.

At the same time for the sake of societies,
students
should
be taught
to be
good
citizens. Not
only
should
students
learn about their responsibilities to the living environment
but
also
how to take care of others,
especially
their caring of the disabled and the elderly
are advised
to be core values in the syllabus. The more caring and sympathy the children are, the safer and more prosperous the society will be.

To conclusion, education shapes the future world in every way.
Hence
, it is a mission of educators and authorities to establish an efficient educational curriculum for the development of society as a whole. It would be better if the
next
generation becomes knowledgeable, proficient at work and responsible to their community.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Education vital importance to individual development and the well-being of socities. What should education consist to fullfill both these functions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts