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Participating in a sport is as important for psychological health and social development as it is for physical conditions. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Participating in a sport is as important for psychological health and social development as it is for physical conditions. v. 1
It is widely believed that playing sports is beneficial in general. As it will be explained in this essay for my argument, practicing these activities makes positive impacts on not only our physical health but also mental condition and social development of individuals. Physical benefits of sports are undeniable. The most obvious one is about the improvement of muscular system of the players, with which they are able to do heavy works which require unusual strength; therefore, they can tackle a wider range of daily tasks compared to those living with sedentary styles. In the long term, as research has indicated, doing physical activities regularly could help prevent many health issues, from common ones like obesity to more fatal risks including cancer and cardiovascular diseases. In addition to those benefits, individuals could also get many others, which might not be visible but equally valuable. From psychological perspective, sports players could relax and enjoy the games, which means helping to reduce stress level commonly being experienced in today’s society. Besides, almost all sports require people to focus on the game in order to win; hence, their concentrating ability would be improved as a result of frequent practice. Finally for the general social development of individuals, sports participants have plenty of chances to improve their teamwork skills while playing, and also make or enhance their friend circle with other players. In conclusion, it is evident to say that sports benefits people in many ways, including improving physical health, bringing positive mental effects as well as strengthening relationships with others.
It is
widely
believed that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is beneficial
in general
. As it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay for my argument, practicing these activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental condition and social development of individuals.

Physical benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are undeniable. The most obvious one is about the improvement of muscular system of the players, with which they are able to do heavy works which require unusual strength;
therefore
, they can tackle a wider range of daily tasks compared to those living with sedentary styles. In the long term, as research has indicated, doing physical activities
regularly
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues, from common ones like obesity to more fatal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
including cancer and cardiovascular diseases.

In addition
to those benefits, individuals could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, which might not be visible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
equally
valuable. From psychological perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players could relax and enjoy the games, which means helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level
commonly
being experienced
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.
Besides
, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to focus on the game in order to win;
hence
, their concentrating ability would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
as a result
of frequent practice.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
for the general social development of individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
participants have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while playing, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or enhance their friend circle with other players.

In conclusion
, it is evident to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, including improving physical health, bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mental effects
as well
as strengthening relationships with others.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Participating in a sport is as important for psychological health and social development as it is for physical conditions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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