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At schools, students should only be taught academic knowledge to pass the exams, and skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should be learned from family and friends. To what exteny do you agree or disagree? v.2

At schools, students should only be taught academic knowledge to pass the exams, and skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should be learned from family and friends. To what exteny v. 2
Nowadays, due to the necessity of acquiring academic knowledge to get high-enough scores of formal examinations, some people suggest the idea that schools should only focus on what would help students to get that achievements, and ignore all other practical skills which could be learnt outside the academic environment. I totally agree with this opinion. It is certainly true that learning academic subjects is pivotal for our contemporary students. From social perspective, governments in nearly all countries around the world are establishing compulsory education system in which every citizen has to go through until a certain age, in order to tackle and prevent many social issues like poverty, unemployment and crime. This invisibly forces all students to accomplish education from primary to tertiary level after a certain amount of time, which means that they have to pass formal examinations in particular ages. For that reason, they only need intellectual skills learnt from mandatory subjects like mathematics and languages only. In terms of practical skills like cookery, dressing and woodwork, I strongly believe that these skills are not necessary for students in schools. Firstly, students could only learn these skills at introductory levels and never could continue learning for a long time in comparison with academic ones. As a result, they might have to sacrifice their time to learn the skills not as valuable as calculating, reading and writing abilities in both the present, for their academic exams, and the future, for the career prospects. Secondly, family and friends should be the sources from which students could learn the vocational skills. It would not be compulsory for the students to learn as in the school, and they could learn freely based on their specific desire and cultural background. In conclusion, I absolutely advocate the argument that schools should be the place for students to accumulate knowledge in academic subjects only, not to even familiarize themselves with non-academic skills like cooking or dressing.
Nowadays, due to the necessity of acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
scores of formal examinations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
focus on what would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that achievements, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
all other practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
environment. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

It is
certainly
true that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects is pivotal for our contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. From social perspective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in
nearly
all countries around the world are establishing compulsory education system in which every citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go through until a certain age, in order to tackle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social issues like poverty, unemployment and crime. This
invisibly
forces all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to accomplish education from primary to tertiary level after a certain amount of time, which means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass formal examinations
in particular
ages. For that reason, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
need intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from mandatory subjects like mathematics and languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In terms of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like cookery, dressing and woodwork, I
strongly
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at introductory levels and never could continue learning for a long time
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ones.
As a result
, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
not as valuable as calculating, reading and writing abilities in both the present, for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
exams, and the future, for the career prospects.
Secondly
, family and friends should be the sources from which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. It would not be compulsory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
as in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
freely
based on their specific desire and cultural background.

In conclusion
, I
absolutely
advocate the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be the place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to accumulate knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
, not to even familiarize themselves with non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like cooking or dressing.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay At schools, students should only be taught academic knowledge to pass the exams, and skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should be learned from family and friends. To what exteny v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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