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Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v.1

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 1
In current scenario every human has run the rat race for fulfilling their rudimentary needs. Everyone wants to balance their professional and relational soul in better ways; however, some get success to manage it but some not. The primary cause of its cuts, threats, competition and the possible solution is that dividing responsibility with each others. To embark with, there are some possible reasons which create a problem to assemble the personal and business growth. The cut threats, competition are the biggest problem in modern society because everyone wants to earn more capital in little time. Owing to these factor parents hinge on money rather than caring the family members. For example, an accountant is that kind of job in which people spent more time outside than at home. Moreover, in present era maximum people love to live in nuclear family, in which parents want two bread winner for better future of own their kids, but in this situation they forgetful about their child's care. Due to this factor misunderstanding has become in personal growth. Nevertheless, there is some possible solution if parents are following these steps than they can easily manage office work and family responsibilities. Initially, everyone should have to plan and do things in advance. Employee as an example, he has to do 35 hours work in a week and making some schedule to go outside with family members on weekends. Furthermore, every human should have to divide role and responsibility because in modern days bot parents are working. In this way a father should take some household work with mother to balance the activity style. This type of activity also puts a positive impact on infant mind and they can learn how to manage the family power. To conclude, everyone learns about their strength and weakness of their soul. Taking responsibility is only one factor to assign the better growth.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario every human has run the rat race for fulfilling their rudimentary needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Everyone
wants to balance their professional and relational soul in better ways;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success to manage it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
not. The primary cause of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
, threats, competition and the possible solution is that dividing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.

To embark with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons which create a problem to assemble the personal and business growth. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
threats, competition are the biggest problem in modern society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
wants to earn more capital in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time. Owing to these factor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hinge on money
rather
than caring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
For example
, an accountant is that kind of job in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent more time outside than at home.
Moreover
, in present era maximum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want
The expression 'two bread' seems incorrect in this context.
two bread
Possible agreement error. The noun 'winner' seems to be countable, so consider using: "winners".
winner
for better future of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this situation they forgetful about their child's care. Due to this factor misunderstanding has become in personal growth.

Nevertheless
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solution if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are following these steps than they can
easily
manage office work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
plan and do things in advance. Employee as an example, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do 35 hours work in a week and making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schedule to go outside with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members on weekends.
Furthermore
, every human should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
divide role and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in modern days bot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working. In this way a father should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
household work with mother to balance the activity style. This type of activity
also
puts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on infant
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they can learn how to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
power.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
learns about their strength and weakness of their soul. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one factor to assign the better growth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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