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Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v.2

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 2
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. Nowadays, each and every industry shifting their interests towards integration and automation. So, they require more multi talented employees who are able to do any tasks. So, some people believe that working for the same organization for whole life is quite easy, whereas the others argue that it is better to work for different organizations. I totally agree with the latter view. It has more pros outweigh cons. First and foremost, the major advantage of work for different organizations is employee has more experience of different workplaces. Also, industries are always looking for the flexible employee who can able to do more than a task. These people are not only able to tackle any problems, but also they have vast knowledge about different fields of work. Due to this, they always dedicated to their work. In addition to the above, they have a lot of exposure. Companies do not hire the other workers because of their multi talent. These people can set in any working environment, which is the most prior advantage. Moreover, they have diverse personalities and know how to use them. For example, if they talk with the manager, then they will give only a few suggestions, because they know the manager will understand their tale, whereas when if they talk with the labours, then they will explain everything. On the other hand, many people think that working for the same organization over life can give more benefits. Firstly, they are able to secure their jobs. So, they will develop their career in only a field, but they can excel in that field and no one can match their efficiency. Owing to this, they get promotions on their skills and seniorities as well. Furthermore, they are seniors so, they are being respected by their co-workers. Also, when they give advice none of another can rebuff their suggestions. To conclude, advantages of working for different organizations are more. Also, workers can learn new things in their lives so, they do not feel work as a burden, so they work with full enthusiasm,
In this contemporary era, the world is changing by leaps and bounds. Nowadays, each and every industry shifting their interests towards integration and automation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they require more multi talented employees who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to do any tasks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
for whole life is quite easy, whereas the others argue that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view. It has more pros outweigh cons.

First
and foremost, the major advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
is employee has more experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
workplaces.
Also
, industries are always looking for the flexible employee who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to do more than a task. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to tackle any problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have vast knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Due to this, they always dedicated to their work.

In addition
to the above, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
exposure.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
do not hire the other workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their multi talent. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can set in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment, which is the most prior advantage.
Moreover
, they have diverse personalities and know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
For example
, if they talk with the manager, then they will give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few suggestions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the manager will understand their tale, whereas when if they talk with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
, then they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
everything.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
over life can give more benefits.
Firstly
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to secure their jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will develop their career in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can excel in that field and no one can match their efficiency. Owing to this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
seniorities
as well
.
Furthermore
, they are seniors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are
being respected
by their co-workers.
Also
, when they give advice none of another can rebuff their suggestions.

To conclude
, advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are more.
Also
, workers can learn new things in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they do not feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a burden,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with full enthusiasm,
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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