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Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, do you agree or disagree that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v.1

Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v. 1
Education is always considered an important goal to reach our dream. In these days, the phenomenon of studying abroad has increased significantly as many parents are sending their children to get an education outside the country. Like every coin, this issue contains both positive and negative aspects which will be outlined below. To begin with, the children will have a chance to learn new languages if they study abroad. Students who study abroad, make new friends and meet new people throughout their course overseas. These relationships personalize social motivation to master language study and practice. For example, I had a Ukrainian friend in university in Germany, who used to pass all the day with German natives. By the time we finished our education, he became a very fluent speaker in that language. Moreover, living on their own will give children the feeling of being independent. Not being constantly under pressure will give adolescents, their much needed freedom, which is essential for building their confidence. On the other hand, aside from opening up huge opportunities in life, studying overseas might be a huge factor in losing friendships, as concentrating on lessons occasionally causes lack of efforts in communicating with old friends. For instance, I had four close friends before I left my country. However, when the academic year started subjects were harder than I could imagine, limiting my leisure and making it difficult to keep in touch with them. At the end of my Master’s our friendship had totally bailed. In addition to that, living in an expensive territory and not being able to work during the school period, creates a lot of financial difficulties for the youngsters if they do not put aside some money. From the above discussion, it can be concluded that studying abroad opens numerous opportunities for children with a cost of several difficulties. Thus, everyone must consider both before taking any decision to make it fruitful for every individual, family and the society.
Education is always considered an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal to reach our dream. In these days, the phenomenon of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has increased
significantly
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents are sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education outside the country. Like every coin, this issue contains both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects which will
be outlined
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a chance to learn new languages if they study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. Students who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout their course overseas. These relationships personalize social motivation to master language study and practice.
For example
, I had a Ukrainian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
in university in Germany, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pass all the day with German natives. By the time we finished our education, he became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fluent speaker in that language.
Moreover
, living on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the feeling of being independent. Not being
constantly
under pressure will give adolescents, their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
freedom, which is essential for building their confidence.

On the other hand
, aside from opening up huge opportunities in life, studying overseas might be a huge factor in losing friendships, as concentrating on lessons
occasionally
causes lack of efforts in communicating with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
For instance
, I had four close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
my country.
However
, when the academic year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
subjects were harder than I could imagine, limiting my leisure and making it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with them. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of my Master’s our friendship had
totally
bailed.
In addition
to that, living in an expensive territory and not being able to work during the school period, creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial difficulties for the youngsters if they do not put aside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.

From the above discussion, it can
be concluded
that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
opens numerous opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a cost of several difficulties.
Thus
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking any decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it fruitful for every individual, family and the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Human activities make the world a better place to live in. however, that human activities do more harm than preserving the earth? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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