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Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that. v. 4
In the present situation where the importance of housewife is increasing, it has been a debatable issue whether the government should do financial support for mothers or not. While some people argue that mothers deserve a salary, I contend that it is not feasible for the following two rationales. The first point to consider is that to set clear standards for the policy is almost impossible. In every sphere of human history, it is certainly true that mothers have played an important role in their family. However, modern society is very complex in that not only females act as housewives, but also males work as househusbands. What about grandmothers who care about their grandchildren or young women who care about their younger infant brothers or sisters instead of their lost parents? Some people who have never conceived sometimes carry a tremendous amount of burdens as much as that of ‘real’ mothers. Another reason that I find my perception more reasonable is that it is not achievable in terms of economy. Even if a government decided to support a salary for all mothers who had married and experienced pregnancy, the budget of the country could not be limitless. Governments are responsible for the security and well-being of their citizens. To be specific, there are necessary financial values that need to be used for issues such as national defence and rejuvenating the economy. Additionally, nobody wants to experience the failure of a ‘planned economy’. I think ‘from the cradle to the grave’ is a totally obsolete trend. In conclusion, while it seems quite reasonable that mothers deserve a salary from the government, I am personally convinced that it is not feasible based on the several rationales.
In the present situation where the importance of housewife is increasing, it has been a debatable issue whether the
government
should do financial support for mothers or not. While
some
people
argue that mothers deserve a salary, I contend that it is not feasible for the following two rationales.

The
first
point to consider is that to set
clear
standards for the policy is almost impossible. In every sphere of human history, it is
certainly
true that mothers have played an
important
role in their family.
However
, modern society is
very
complex in that not
only
females act as housewives,
but
also
males work as househusbands. What about grandmothers
who
care about their grandchildren or young women
who
care about their younger infant brothers or sisters
instead
of their lost parents?
Some
people
who
have never conceived
sometimes
carry a tremendous amount of burdens as much as that of ‘real’ mothers.

Another reason that I find my perception more reasonable is that it is not achievable in terms of economy. Even if a
government
decided to support a salary for all mothers
who
had married and experienced pregnancy, the budget of the country could not be limitless.
Governments
are responsible for the security and well-being of their citizens. To be specific, there are necessary financial values that need to be
used
for issues such as national
defence
and rejuvenating the economy.
Additionally
, nobody wants to experience the failure of a ‘planned economy’. I
think
‘from the cradle to the grave’ is a
totally
obsolete trend.

In conclusion
, while it seems quite reasonable that mothers deserve a salary from the
government
, I am
personally
convinced that it is not feasible based on the several rationales.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents, usually mothers, stay at home to look after their family. People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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