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Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that Do you agree or disagree v.1

Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that v. 1
With the development of technology and infrastructure, people today can shop more easily than ever before with online shops. However, although some people believe that those online shopping systems could end up with killing high street shops in the future, I believe that shops on the street will survive for three main reasons. Firstly, the price of goods in net shops is not as cost-effective as it looks like. In fact, the shipping fee is not included in the price most of the time and the product can be more expensive than it showed on the screen at the end. Even though I concede that we have more choices what to buy, since the shops are usually international and have a wide range of selection, the further the sender lives, the more expensive the shopping fee can be. Consequently, the products in high street shops are more budget-friendly. Another concern of net shopping is time. Although some believe that shopping online is very useful, it is especially true for people who live in the countryside or rural areas, the time they need to wait from making an order to receiving the good is not often considered. Moreover, in time-sensitive cases, street shops would get the buyer's vote. For example, when a family member falls ill, it would be a waste of time to wait until the medicament comes from a sender of online shops. Finally, my strongest argue is that better service in shops. High street shops usually have professional staff and customers can get appropriate advice from them that we rarely can gain from online shops. Since the service is always a face-to-face basis, customers can enjoy better quality service. Additionally, refund or exchange service can be done more easily by one of staff comparing to dealing with anonym sellers from online shops that ensure customers get what they need. In conclusion, not only do online shoppings take time and can be costly, they also offer worse service than high street shops. Therefore, I although I acknowledge that online shopping is useful and offer more choice, I strongly disagree that they can end the high street shops.
With the development of technology and infrastructure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
more
easily
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
However
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
systems could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the future, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
will survive for three main reasons.

Firstly
, the price of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in net
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is not as cost-effective as it looks like. In fact, the shipping fee is not included in the price most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and the product can be more expensive than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on the screen at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Even though
I concede that we have more choices what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are
usually
international and have a wide range of selection, the
further
the sender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the more expensive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
fee can be.
Consequently
, the products in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are more budget-friendly.

Another concern of net
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful, it is
especially
true for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside or rural areas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they need to wait from making an order to
Did you mean "receive"?
receiving
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered.
Moreover
, in time-sensitive cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the buyer's vote.
For example
, when a family member falls ill, it would be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to wait until the medicament
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a sender of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops.

Finally
, my strongest argue is that better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
usually
have professional staff and customers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate advice from them that we rarely can gain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is always a face-to-face basis, customers can enjoy better quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Additionally
, refund or exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
can
be done
more
easily
by one of staff comparing to dealing with
Possible spelling mistake found.
anonym
sellers from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
that ensure customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they need.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoppings take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and can be costly, they
also
offer worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Therefore
, I although I acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is useful and offer more choice, I
strongly
disagree that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Parents usually mothers stay at home to look after their family People believe they should receive a salary from the government for that v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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