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parents should spend their free time having fun with their kids in their free time or do something related to schoolwork v.2

parents should spend their free time having fun with their kids in their free time or do something related to schoolwork v. 2
In the last three decades, the world has become very intricate and competitive; to that end, parents have not enough time to spend with their kids. Some people believe that parents should spend their sapre time doing something related to schoolwoork. However, there is a substantial body of evidence claims that they should spend their free time playing and having fun with their offspring. From a personal perspective, the latter point of view carries more weight given that kids could feel more loved and less stressful. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more details. The first and foremost point, childhood time is very short compared to a man' s lifespan. Provided that parents spend a quality time with their children, they could build up a intimate relationship with them. Furthermore, kids will have premium memories with their parents. In addition to that, parents could spend this time palying sports or games with their kids, so they could encourage them to be healthy. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on what was states above, twenty years ago, when I was a child, my dad was so busy working the whole day. Although he did not have enough time to spend with me and my siblings, I had a very a pleasent memory with him. When he passed away I was just thirteen, but I still remember him clearly, given that he spent most of his spare time not only playing and having fun, but also having a quality conversation. To put it in other words, I had a profounded relationship with my father, which enhance my slef-steem since I alwya felt loved and secure. Consequently, having fun with out kids during our free time is imperative. Next, coupled with enjoyment, less stress is another reason why parents should dedicate their free time with children on fun stuff. Children who study the whole day are usually feel overwhelmed and under severe pressure. In other words, provided that parents just foccus on learning academic stuff, their kids will feel much stress. For instance, Tiger mom is a vast social problem in China. Parents in China concentrate on their children results from studing because they want them to acomply their career. Some children who failed to fullfill their goals could commit a suicide given that they could not afford this stressful atmosphere. On the other hand, when parents playing with their kids, they could teach them that kowledge could exist anywhere instead of studying in schools. Moreover, gamimg could also offer a window for them to chase the wisdom. Therefore, spending pleasent time with kids is essential and could prevent devastating consequences. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, parents should have fun with their kids during their free time rather than doing assignment realated to schools. It is suggested that parents compromose to spend lovely time wit thier kids, yet a valuable one.
In the last three decades, the world has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intricate and competitive; to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
sapre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing something related to
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoolwoork
.
However
, there is a substantial body of evidence claims that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with their offspring. From a personal perspective, the latter point of view carries more weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
could feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and less stressful. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting points in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The
first
and foremost point, childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short compared to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s lifespan. Provided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they could build up
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
intimate relationship with them.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will have premium memories with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
palying
sports or games with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could encourage them to be healthy. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what was states above, twenty years ago, when I was a child, my dad was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy working the whole day. Although he did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with me and my siblings, I had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pleasent
memory with him. When he passed away I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
thirteen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
remember him
clearly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that he spent most of his spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
playing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a quality conversation. To put it
in other words
, I had a
Possible spelling mistake found.
profounded
relationship with my father, which enhance my
Possible spelling mistake found.
slef-steem
since I
Possible spelling mistake found.
alwya
felt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and secure.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
during our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is imperative.

Next
, coupled with enjoyment, less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should dedicate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
stuff.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who study the whole day are
usually
feel overwhelmed and under severe pressure.
In other words
, provided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible spelling mistake found.
foccus
on learning academic stuff, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will feel much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, Tiger mom is a vast social problem in China.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
in China concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
results from
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
acomply
their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who failed to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
their goals could commit a suicide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they could not afford this stressful atmosphere.
On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
playing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they could teach them that
Possible spelling mistake found.
kowledge
could exist anywhere
instead
of studying in schools.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamimg
could
also
offer a window for them to chase the wisdom.
Therefore
, spending
Possible spelling mistake found.
pleasent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is essential and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
devastating consequences.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than doing assignment
Possible spelling mistake found.
realated
to schools. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
compromose
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wit
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
yet
a valuable one.
28Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay parents should spend their free time having fun with their kids in their free time or do something related to schoolwork v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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