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Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v.1

Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v. 1
Compared to working for a specific employer, nowadays people prefer working for themselves. The causes behind this phenomenon are the highly competitive job market and the flexible working time. However, self-employment sometimes is disadvantageous due to the unstable income and frequent extra working hours. The reasons that people choose to be self-employed are its accessibility and flexibility. Unlike working for companies, which require candidates to be professional and competent, starting one's own business is relatively easy and feasible. People have a wider range of choices for providing various household services to offering professional consultations. These types of small businesses can start from anywhere with low cost and investment. The second cause that people want to pursue self-employment is its flexible schedule. Tired of the traditional 9 to 5 routines, people are tempted by freely managing their time, which also means more time with family or for entertaining. As a result, an increasing number of self-employers emerge because of the fact that being freelancers are comparatively easier than being employees. However, working for oneself does have its dark side. Lacking a stable income and extra working hours is two primary drawbacks of self-employment. On the contrary, to working for an employer and receiving biweekly, self-employed persons cannot guarantee money in their accounts every month. It will inevitably lead to a tight budget and a stressful life. Moreover, opposite to their original expectations on free time arrangements, the actual situation usually requires them to work overtime. It is quite common to see those small business owners have to work 7 days a week and 365 days a year without breaks at all, simply because they couldn't afford to stop even one day. Consequently, most self-employers experience a life pattern with huge pressure instead of relaxation. In conclusion, the attractions of working for oneself rely on its easiness to start and the expectations of freedom. Nevertheless, the negative aspects of being self-employed shouldn't be neglected, namely, guaranteed income and extra-long working hours.
Compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a specific employer, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves. The causes behind this phenomenon are the
highly
competitive job market and the flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, self-employment
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'is'.
sometimes is
disadvantageous due to the unstable income and frequent extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

The reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to be self-employed are its accessibility and flexibility. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which require candidates to be professional and competent, starting one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business is
relatively
easy and feasible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have a wider range of choices for providing various household services to offering professional consultations. These types of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from anywhere with low cost and investment. The second cause that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to pursue self-employment is its flexible schedule. Tired of the traditional 9 to 5 routines,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are tempted
by
freely
managing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which
also
means more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family or for entertaining.
As a result
, an increasing number of self-employers emerge
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
being freelancers are
comparatively
easier than being employees.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for oneself does have its dark side. Lacking a stable income and extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours is two primary drawbacks of self-employment.
On the contrary
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for an employer and receiving
biweekly
, self-employed persons cannot guarantee money in their accounts every month. It will
inevitably
lead to a tight budget and a stressful life.
Moreover
, opposite to their original expectations on free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
arrangements, the actual situation
usually
requires them to work overtime. It is quite common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business owners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work 7 days a week and 365 days a year without breaks at all,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they couldn't afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
even one day.
Consequently
, most self-employers experience a life pattern with huge pressure
instead
of relaxation.

In conclusion
, the attractions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for oneself rely on its easiness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and the expectations of freedom.
Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of being self-employed shouldn't
be neglected
,
namely
, guaranteed income and extra-long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Busy parents have less time to spend with their children. Some people think time should be spent to play games or sports. Others think time should be spent by doing something together related to schoolwork v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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