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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v.604

The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v. 604
Needless to say, in each society, there are some people obtaining more money than ordinary people. This brings up a highly controversial topic regarding the use of affluent subjects' income whether the wealthy people should donate their money to charity or not. I believe that the aforementioned individuals should devote their money to charity because poor people require money and also prosperous subjects do not spend money on serious topics, explained in the following paragraphs in great detail. To begin with, the poor people need money. In other words, there are a lot of people around the world who have meager income or they may sometimes go to bed without eating food. If the individuals gaining a huge amount of money, contribute money for weak people, they will be financially rewarding. One example will suffice to illustrate my point. Last month, When I was talking with one of best friends, I saw a person who gave away his assets to poor people. This person donated money to people needing money for buying a house, getting married and so forth. I heard my friend that this person is an important person since he also helped to build educational centers such as schools for deprived children and young adults. His financial aids for my country is a very valuable task because his supports make it possible for some poor people to have a satisfactory life. Hence, prosperous subjects should dedicate their money and salary to charity, as the poor people require financial support. The second point worth discussing is related to the use of money on trivial things. In fact, some wealthy subjects spend their monthly salary on unimportant things such as gambling, taking drugs and so on. Most of these practices are done by prosperous individuals for the sake of a craze, which I consider them a waste of money. One of my country' s famous person provides an illuminating insight into this fact. When I was watching a news program, I heard about one of celebrity on news program. This famous person was arrested at the party because of taking drugs. I had not known any idea about this famous person before I saw him on the television news program. The correspondent stated that the same person also has been captured when he was gambling, as it is a crime in my country. Dedicating money to these things caused him to be arrested. Nevertheless, if he devoted his money to better places such as donating money to fund university students, it would be advantageous. Not only would not he get arrested by police for his drug-related offenses, but the college students would benefit from his donation. Consequently, affluent subjects should be allocated to charity because they do not spend money on the worthwhile activities. In conclusion, according to above-mentioned factor, I contend that the more money people acquire, the more money they should give away due to the need of weak people and because of spending affluent people on trivial things.
Needless to say, in each society, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This brings up a
highly
controversial topic regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of affluent
Possible spelling mistake found.
subjects&
#039; income whether the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should donate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
or not. I believe that the aforementioned individuals should devote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
also
prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on serious topics,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs in great detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who have meager
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
income or
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
go to bed without eating food. If the individuals gaining a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will be
financially
rewarding. One example will suffice to illustrate my point. Last month, When I was talking with one of best friends, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who gave away his assets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
donated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
needing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, getting married and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. I heard my friend that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
since he
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to build educational centers such as schools for deprived children and young adults. His financial aids for my country is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his supports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a satisfactory life.
Hence
, prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should dedicate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and salary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require financial support.

The second point worth discussing
is related
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on trivial things. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
spend their monthly salary on unimportant things such as gambling, taking drugs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Most of these practices
are done
by prosperous individuals for the sake of a craze, which I consider them a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
provides an illuminating insight into this fact. When I was watching a news program, I heard about one of celebrity on news program. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
was arrested
at the party
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of taking drugs. I had not known any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him on the television news program. The correspondent stated that the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
also
has
been captured
when he was gambling, as it is a crime in my country. Dedicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to these things caused him to
be arrested
.
Nevertheless
, if he devoted his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to better places such as donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fund university students, it would be advantageous. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would not he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
arrested by police for his drug-related offenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the college students would benefit from his donation.
Consequently
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the worthwhile activities.

In conclusion
, according to above-mentioned factor, I contend that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
acquire, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they should give away due to the need of weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on trivial things.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay The more money people have, the more they should give away to charity v. 604

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
501 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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