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Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v.2

Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v. 2
Due to progressively growth of technology, parents' controls on their children are more likely to be weakened today. Most kids are plugged into TVs, smartphone, etc. and sometimes in spite of parent' s tendency they probably get effect of them. I absolutely agree with this idea and will cogently explicate my stance on this issue in what follows. The first reason which shapes my outlook is that children are used to spending the most of their time in a day by watching television and movie. So, they get more affected by this Medias than take effect from their parents. Also, in their age, they often imitate superstar' s actions of the movies and incline to act as them like dress in a way of heroes' clothe or maybe do hair cut at the same. Moreover, this situation may become worsen in a case when children watch horror movie and get effect by behaving aggressively. In all of aforementioned situation parents do not interfere, and they cannot prevent from the consequences even if they do not like it. A telling example is what I have undergone when I was 10 years old. I used to watch television after school and spent more than 4 hours a day watching TV' s programs. Subsequently, this TVs show that maybe all of them might not be suitable for that age caused bad impact on my behavior specially manner of speaking. So I think my parents did not have any control on this case. Another reason should be mentioned is that kids spend a large amount of their time in the school with their peers and teacher. Relatively, they learn from one other faster than their parents because they are at the same age and can understand each other better. Clearly, we can see kids around the same age use similar words or expressions and have their own special gestures. In some cases if they act improperly and this become prevalent between them, their parents need too much effort to fix it again. In conclusion, parents' controls are falling because the new technologies are developing communication paths rapidly and these make children more social today than they were in the past in a way create their personality. Consequently, I agree that children get more affected by televisions, movies, etc. and parents cannot control it.
Due to
progressively
growth of technology,
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
be weakened
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Most kids
are plugged
into TVs, smartphone, etc. and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s tendency they
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effect of them. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will
cogently
explicate my stance on this issue in what follows.

The
first
reason which shapes my outlook is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spending the most of their time in a day by watching television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this Medias than take effect from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Also
, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
imitate
Possible spelling mistake found.
superstar&
#039; s actions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and incline to act as them like dress in a way of
Possible spelling mistake found.
heroes&
#039; clothe or maybe do hair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
at the same.
Moreover
, this situation may become worsen in a case when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
horror
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effect by behaving
aggressively
. In all of aforementioned situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not interfere, and they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from the consequences even if they do not like it. A telling example is what I have undergone when I was 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television after school and spent more than 4 hours a day watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
TV&
#039; s programs.
Subsequently
, this TVs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that maybe all of them might not be suitable for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on my behavior
specially
manner of speaking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
on this case.

Another reason should
be mentioned
is that kids spend a large amount of their time in the school with their peers and teacher.
Relatively
, they learn from one other faster than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and can understand each other better.
Clearly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
kids around the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
similar words or expressions and have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
special gestures. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases if they act
improperly
and this become prevalent between them, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need too much effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it again.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
controls
are falling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new technologies are developing communication paths
rapidly
and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than they were in the past in a way create their personality.
Consequently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by televisions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, etc. and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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