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Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v.1

Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v. 1
It is widely believed that reading books is a better way for people to develop their imagination and language skills, in comparison with watching TV. From my perspective, I totally agree with this opinion, and will give my reasons below. On the one hand, people reading books can enhance their creativity better than those watching TV. It is undeniable that words enable readers to visualize what they read, and there is no restriction to such imaginative thinking. For instance, if a hundred different individuals read the book “One thousand and one nights” simultaneously, it is possible for them to visualize a hundred different images of Aladdin, who is the main character in this story. In contrast, whether a hundred people watch the movie “Aladdin” on TV together, the only Aladdin that they can think of afterwards will be the one played by Mena Massoud. This demonstrates that watching TV is overcome by reading books in term of the ability to stimulate one’s imagination. On the other hand, watching TV performs a more important role in acquiring language skills, compared to reading books. This can be further seen in the fact that TV with sound effects has the ability to help watchers sharpen their listening and speaking skills effectively, thereby improving their language comprehension. Perhaps the best example of this is Khanh Vy, who is one of the most well-known adolescents in Viet Nam at the moment thanks to her linguistic ability. She is a dazzling polyglot and fluent in six languages, including English, Chinese, Japanese, French, Italian and German. Last year, in an interview with Forbes, she confessed that she spend about 5 hours on watching movies in foreign languages without subtitles daily, and she believed that it is the most efficient approach for people, especially the young ones, to learn new languages. In conclusion, it seems to me that people should read books in order to develop imagination and linguistic abilities instead of watching TV due to the above-mentioned two reasons.
It is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is a better way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their imagination and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
in comparison
with watching TV. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, and will give my reasons below.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can enhance their creativity better than those watching TV. It is undeniable that words enable readers to visualize what they read, and there is no restriction to such imaginative thinking.
For instance
, if a hundred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
“
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
One thousand and one nights
”
simultaneously
, it is possible for them to visualize a hundred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
images of Aladdin, who is the main character in this story.
In contrast
, whether a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the movie “Aladdin” on TV together, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Aladdin that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of afterwards will be the one played by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mena
Possible spelling mistake found.
Massoud
. This demonstrates that watching TV
is overcome
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in term of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to stimulate one’s imagination.

On the other hand
, watching TV performs a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. This can be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the fact that TV with sound effects has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
watchers sharpen their listening and speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
effectively
, thereby improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
comprehension. Perhaps the best example of this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vy
, who is one of the most well-known adolescents in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam at the moment thanks to her linguistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
. She is a dazzling polyglot and fluent in six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, including English, Chinese, Japanese, French, Italian and German. Last year, in an interview with Forbes, she confessed that she spend about 5 hours on watching movies in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
without subtitles daily, and she believed that it is the most efficient approach for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, to learn new languages.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in order to develop imagination and linguistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
instead
of watching TV due to the above-mentioned two reasons.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Parents can no longer control what their children do; their behavior gets more affected by televisions, movies, and other influences from outside the home. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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