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Modern technology has increased our material wealth but not our happiness To what extent do you agree v.2

Modern technology has increased our material wealth but not our happiness 2
Although it is undeniable fact that people in a state-of-the-art world, to some extent, inevitably suffer from negative impacts caused by advanced technology, the high-technological revolution not only has contributed tremendous benefits to human society materialistically and mentally but also promoted human civilization to a new level. ( economic and cultural cooperation among countries) First and foremost, it should be claimed that the achievements of leading-edge technology have played an indispensable role in promoting the rapid growth of human society. Studies show the more Western countries reach toa basic level of modern technology, the more their society grows and the more their wealth increases. By applying the most advanced technological inventions of key industries, leads to innovating as well as manufacturing a large number of high-quality products to serve human life. The most obvious evidence is that automation technologies not only save human labor but also increase productivity, which helps people creating more material wealth. Secondly, the scientific and technical advancement continuously provides people with remarkable improvement in serving the essential needs of human beings such as medical care services, education activities, and recreational facilities. New technologies including the Internet, television, electronic media, means of modern transportation, etc can not only respond to basic human needs but also be able to permit people to gain expensive luxuries and have a luxurious lifestyle. In addition, economic prosperity is a key factor to allow people to lead a happy and enjoyable life. Therefore, it can be said that the more people live in full-life materialistically and mentally, the happier people will be and the better their future will be. In conclusion, although technological development in human society has both positive and negative influences, it is a true fact that technology has increasingly changed our lives and we have to research, learn and have knowledge about how to use those technologies in the right way.
Although it is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a state-of-the-art world, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
inevitably
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts caused by advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the high-technological revolution not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has contributed tremendous benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
materialistically
and mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization to a new level.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
economic and cultural cooperation among countries)

First
and foremost, it should
be claimed
that the achievements of leading-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have played an indispensable role in promoting the rapid growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the more Western countries reach
Possible spelling mistake found.
toa
basic level of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
grows and the more their wealth increases. By applying the most advanced technological inventions of key industries, leads to innovating
as well
as manufacturing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
high-quality products to serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life. The most obvious evidence is that automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
labor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase productivity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
creating more material wealth.

Secondly
, the scientific and technical advancement
continuously
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with remarkable improvement in serving the essential needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings such as medical care services, education activities, and recreational facilities. New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
including the Internet, television, electronic media, means of modern transportation, etc can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
respond to basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be able to permit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain expensive luxuries and have a luxurious lifestyle.
In addition
, economic prosperity is a key factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a happy and enjoyable life.
Therefore
, it can
be said
that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in full-life
materialistically
and mentally, the happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be and the better their future will be.

In conclusion
, although technological development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences, it is a true fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
research, learn and have knowledge about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in the right way.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology has increased our material wealth but not our happiness 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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