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Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school v. 2
In some cultures over the world, the question of whether we should develop coeducation or single-sex education still sparks the severe controversy. While people believe that single-sex school creates an environment where pupils perform better than mixed - school can do, others embrace the idea that mixed-school is the best choice for children. On the one hand, single-sex school is beneficial for the development of children because of two main reasons. Firstly, it is undeniable that boys and girls have different natures so that being educated following a separate suitable curriculum is beneficial for them. For example, some subjects are of much technical knowledge, such as Physics, attract more boys than girls while books with an emotional story that may resonate more with girls than with boys. Secondly, single-gender education creates a more relaxed environment reducing distraction and allowing effective class time. To be more specific, boys and girls in the single-sex class have more time for studying during tutorials rather than impressing the other gender and stay clear of unnecessary misconduct On the other hand, single-gender schools cannot be a mirror of genuine society but mixed - schools can do. First of all, attending single-sex schools, children lose the opportunity to learn how to behave around the opposite sex as well as form awareness of gender equality at an early age which is extremely essential when they mature. In addition, coeducation help children are more confident in expressing personal views in the presence of the opposite sex, developing a positive self - image and working better in groups. In conclusion, while some people prefer to taking their children to a single-sex school, I still believe that coeducation shall prevail as it may lead to a more balanced society in the future where women can be treated as equal to men
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures over the world,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
we should develop coeducation or single-sex education
still
sparks the severe controversy. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
creates an environment where pupils perform better than mixed
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can do, others embrace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that mixed-school is the best choice for children.

On the one hand, single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is beneficial for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
natures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
being educated
following a separate suitable curriculum is beneficial for them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subjects are of much technical knowledge, such as Physics, attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
while books with an emotional story that may resonate more with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
than with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
Secondly
, single-gender education creates a more relaxed environment reducing distraction and allowing effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in the single-sex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
have more time for studying during tutorials
rather
than impressing the other gender and stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
of unnecessary
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
misconduct


On the other hand
, single-gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cannot be a mirror of genuine society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mixed
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can do.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, attending single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lose the opportunity to learn how to behave around the opposite sex
as well
as form awareness of gender equality at an early age which is
extremely
essential when they mature.
In addition
, coeducation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more confident in expressing personal views in the presence of the opposite sex, developing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
self
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
image and working better in groups.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
Did you mean "take"?
taking
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a single-sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
still
believe that coeducation shall prevail as it may lead to a more balanced society in the future where women can
be treated
as equal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children perform better in a single sex school compared to a mixed school v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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