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Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v.1

Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v. 1
Most of the time people try to select a job based on the salary offered from it.   Though there are some others factors on choosing a job, in most of the cases it is more agreeable that amount of salary attracts more than any other factor. This will be discussed and logical arguments would be presented in this essay. Many men many minds. There are some people, to whom a job is not a work for wages. They think it is also a matter of their prestige and pride. For this purpose, they choose their job based on the reputation of the company and after meeting this condition they go for the job position and salary. On the contrary, some people think that the more the wages from the job the more they will be in a prestigious position in the society. Their view is that salary is not the key thing to evaluate a job as well as the person. On the other hand, many people think that job satisfaction is the main part in choosing a job. And we know job satisfaction is based on the other facilities provided by the company in addition to their salary, like freedom of work, transportation facility, working environment mobile billing etc. These kinds of people think that without these facilities they will be frustrated after a certain period if they choose a job which will pay them high wages and on the contrary they will take their freedom of work. In sum up, it is true that the higher the position of the job the higher the position will be and with this, the more the salary will be. So in that case salary is the best option to choose a job. As if you have a money you can have those facilities of your own.
Most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to select a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
offered from it.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others factors on choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, in most of the cases it is more agreeable that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
attracts more than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factor. This will
be discussed
and logical arguments would
be presented
in this essay.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
minds. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to whom a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not a work for wages. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is
also
a matter of their prestige and pride. For this purpose, they choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on the reputation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and after meeting this condition they go for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the more the wages from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the more they will be in a prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in the society. Their view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is not the key thing to evaluate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as the person.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is the main part in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. And we know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
is based
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in addition
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, like freedom of work, transportation facility, working environment mobile billing etc. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that without these facilities they will
be frustrated
after a certain period if they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which will pay them high wages and
on the contrary
they will take their freedom of work.

In sum up, it is true that the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
will be and with this, the more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
will be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in that case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the best option to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
if you have a money you can have those facilities of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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