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Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.2

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2
Nowadays, Population is increasing at an alarming rate and, most of big cities are overcrowded. This issue has been facing globally for a few years and, there are several factors linked to it. I think certain positive steps are required to fix general issues of overpopulation. Most of the big cities are centred for education and industries. Although the country has benefited in terms of the economy, but people living there in polluted environments. For instance, Traffic is a famous problem as there are a lot of vehicles on the road and that too because of most of the masses located in one particular region. Mostly in urban areas, big shopping centres are situated for the general public to fulfil basic needs and, these markets can be seen full of crowd in working hours. Although it serves the requirements of nearby folks, but roads lead to those centres get stuck in rush hours. For instance, Universities and colleges are also located near to these places and usually students get late for class because of no rooms in these ways. If education centres and medical hospitals open in villages and small towns, a certain amount of crowd could be reduced in major cities. Although countryside areas have less opportunities for jobs, certain plants could be opened for facilitating those who change their location for finding a better life in the big towns. To conclude, There would be essential steps required to resolve the overpopulation problem in most urban areas and, both general people and government should be supported equally. I think the Government should provide some better policies in front of public by providing benefits in terms of markets, houses, jobs and education. It is considered effective, if wise decision would be taken by the general public as well.
Nowadays, Population is increasing at an alarming rate and, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities
are overcrowded
. This issue has been facing globally for a few years and, there are several factors linked to it. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
steps
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
general issues of overpopulation.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities are
Possible spelling mistake. 'centred' is British English.
centred
for education and industries. Although the country has benefited in terms of the economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living there in polluted environments.
For instance
, Traffic is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
problem as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vehicles on the road and that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of most of the masses located in one particular region.

Mostly
in urban areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are situated
for the
Consider using "public".
general public
to fulfil basic needs and, these markets can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
full of crowd in working hours. Although it serves the requirements of nearby folks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
roads lead to those
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in rush hours.
For instance
, Universities and colleges are
also
located near to these places and
usually
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
late for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no rooms in these ways.

If education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and medical hospitals open in villages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns, a certain amount of crowd could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in major cities. Although countryside areas have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities for jobs, certain plants could
be opened
for facilitating those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their location for finding a better life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
towns.

To conclude
, There would be essential steps required to resolve the overpopulation problem in most urban areas and, both general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be supported
equally
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
better policies in front of public by providing benefits in terms of markets,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, jobs and education. It
is considered
effective, if wise decision would
be taken
by the
Consider using "public".
general public
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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