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Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.1

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 1
Overpopulation is rising at an alarming rate in major cities around the world. It is caused by the migration of rural people into urban areas because of the lack of educational or employment opportunities in villages and small towns. Building educational institutions and industries in villages is the most viable solution to this problem. To begin with, although there are plenty of schools and colleges in rural cities, there are very few universities. This forces / encourages many aspiring students to migrate to cities in order to pursue their higher education. Another major cause of the rise in urban population is the availability of better job opportunities in cities. As there are considerably more industries in the cities than the countryside, many people opt to move to cities for better career prospects. The government should take several measures to check the migration of rural youth into urban areas. For example, it should build not only schools but also colleges in villages. This move will make higher education easily accessible to rural people and thus mitigate migration. In addition, the government should encourage industries to set-up their business operations in the rural places. This would foster employment and give rise to job opportunities in the rural places. For example, Gujarat government has taken several measures to establish universities and industries in the district of Anand and this has drastically reduced the population in cities such as Ahmedabad and Baroda. In conclusion, if the government takes necessary steps to build universities and encourage companies to set-up their operations in rural cities, the problem of overpopulation in developed cities can be tackled.
Overpopulation is rising at an alarming rate in major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world. It
is caused
by the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into urban areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of educational or employment opportunities in villages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns. Building educational institutions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in villages is the most viable solution to this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of schools and colleges in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few universities. This forces / encourages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspiring students to migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in order to pursue their higher education. Another major cause of the rise in urban population is the availability of better job opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. As there are
considerably
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than the countryside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for better career prospects. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take several measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
youth into urban areas.
For example
, it should build not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
colleges in villages. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
higher education
easily
accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
thus
mitigate migration.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to set-up
their business operations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
places. This would foster employment and give rise to job opportunities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
places.
For example
, Gujarat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has taken several measures to establish universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in the district of Anand and this has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Ahmedabad and Baroda.

In conclusion
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes necessary steps to build universities and encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to set-up
their operations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the problem of overpopulation in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
be tackled
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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