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Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v.2

Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v. 2
Some people believe that salary is an essential factor when people choose a job. It is undeniable that people need money for living, but I personally believe that there other matters that people should consider besides salary. On the one hand, it is true that compensation and benefit is an important factor that people should consider when they decide their career. But they should be careful and selective before they decide the job. Some people might be offered a good position or title, but if the salary does not match with the task and responsibilities, then it would be a negative thing. And then, there are others who seek for high paid salary jobs, but they have never expected that their superiors are pressuring them. Although they got a good salary, they could not enjoy their life, since they have to work overtime and could not spend quality time with their families. On the other hand, there are other essential factors that people should consider when they choose a job. Firstly, people should seek whether the job that is being offered to them is in accordance with their passion and talent. Secondly, they should also investigate whether the Company's core business has a good going concern and good corporate governance as well. Thirdly, employees should also seek whether the working environment is conducive and there is an opportunity for them to enhance their career. Lastly, people should also consider the distance between the workplace with their home, since distance could also become a big problem. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that salary is an important factor in choosing a job, but it should not be the only factor. There are other things that people should consider such as distance, working environment and career development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need money for living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
believe that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
matters that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
besides
salary.

On the one hand, it is true that compensation and benefit is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
when they decide their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they should be careful and selective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they decide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
be offered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
position or title,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
does not match with the task and responsibilities, then it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thing. And then, there are others who seek for high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that their superiors are pressuring them. Although they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, they could not enjoy their life, since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime and could not spend quality time with their families.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
when they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should seek whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
being offered
to them is in accordance with their passion and talent.
Secondly
, they should
also
investigate whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
's core business has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
going concern and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
corporate governance
as well
.
Thirdly
, employees should
also
seek whether the working environment is conducive and there is an opportunity for them to enhance their career.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
the distance between the workplace with their home, since distance could
also
become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem.

In conclusion
, to a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
such as distance, working environment and career development.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Many people work for money while others say that there are more important aspects of job satisfaction. While choosing a job money is the most significant consideration. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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