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Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.2

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2
Nowadays the big problem in urban areas all around the world was more population because of more facilities provided by the urban centres. This essay will examine the main causes of overpopulation and possible solutions to this problem. The two main causes of overpopulation are more job opportunities and good schooling facilities for people than in rural areas. Most people come to the cities for job and also earn more money. Because of no companies and industries in rural areas. A recent survey conducted by the popular private organization about urban area population. It is found that more population is due to more employment opportunities. And another reason for overpopulation is not having good education facilities in rural areas. That's why students move to cities for good quality education and for other services. For example, most people in urban areas were students and they came to cities for higher education. And some possible solutions to this problem is providing more industries and companies in rural areas and providing schools with good schooling. People have more career opportunities in their local areas, then they won't migrate to urban areas. For instance, a recent survey conducted by the university of curtain concluded that japan becomes more developed country because of providing more job facilities in rural areas. Moreover, providing more schools in rural areas which reduce the population in urban areas. Therefore it is important to develop rural areas to stop traffic jam in urban centres. To conclude, urban areas having more facilities than rural areas are the main cause. however, providing more schools and industries in rural areas can lessen the people in urban centres.
Nowadays the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
all around the world was more
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population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more facilities provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This essay will examine the main causes of overpopulation and possible solutions to this problem.

The two main causes of overpopulation are more job opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
schooling facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the cities for job and
also
earn more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and industries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. A recent survey conducted by the popular private organization about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. It
is found
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is due to more employment opportunities. And another reason for overpopulation is not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. That's why students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
quality education and for other services.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
were
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they came to cities for higher education.

And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to this problem is providing more industries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and providing schools with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
schooling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have more career opportunities in their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, then they won't migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by the university of curtain concluded that japan becomes more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of providing more job facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Moreover
, providing more schools in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
traffic jam in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
having more facilities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are the main cause.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, providing more schools and industries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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