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Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.3

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 3
Many city centres around the globe are faced with the challenge of overpopulation. The major factors leading to this trend are, better living conditions and access to the basic needs of life in cities. There is a range of solutions that can be implemented to tackle this problem. Firstly, one reason for the spurt in population in big cities around the world, is because they provide a higher standard of living and abundant access to the basic needs of life. In other words, there is access to a wide variety of high paying jobs, which results in the overall improvement of the quality of life, therefore, making them more desirous of settling in and working. Secondly, big cities provide its residents with the best healthcare and educational facilities, which are served by top-notch professionals. Consequently, all of these factors result in the movement of people in large numbers to cities. The phenomenon of rapid population growth in the metros can be solved by setting up new and improving existing facilities and amenities for people in rural areas, so that they do not feel the need to re-settle in cities. This can be achieved by providing incentives to the healthcare and teaching professionals such as, free or reduced healthcare and insurance to encourage them to serve in the countryside. As a result, if these areas of public sector improve, people will less likely migrate to city centres as they have the required facilities where they already live. Furthermore, creating avenues for employment in high wage jobs is critical in reducing the mass movement of people and the government can support industries who set up plants in rural areas by providing tax cuts, which will bolster the local job market and will have a positive impact on the local economy, thus further stalling the migration of people to cities. In conclusion, the trend of growing population rise in cities can be tackled by improving the basic infrastructure in rural areas and creating high paying wages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
around the globe
are faced
with the challenge of overpopulation. The major factors leading to this trend are, better living conditions and access to the basic needs of life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There is a range of solutions that can
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

Firstly
, one reason for the spurt in population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide a higher standard of living and abundant access to the basic needs of life.
In other words
, there is access to a wide variety of high paying jobs, which results in the
overall
improvement of the quality of life,
therefore
, making them more desirous of settling in and working.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide its residents with the best healthcare and educational facilities, which
are served
by top-notch professionals.
Consequently
, all of these factors result in the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in large numbers to cities.

The phenomenon of rapid population growth in the metros can
be solved
by setting up new and improving existing facilities and amenities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not feel the need to re-settle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This can
be achieved
by providing incentives to the healthcare and teaching professionals such as, free or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
healthcare and insurance to encourage them to serve in the countryside.
As a result
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of public sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will less likely migrate to city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
as they have the required facilities where they already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Furthermore
, creating avenues for employment in high wage jobs is critical in reducing the mass movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can support industries who set up plants in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
by providing tax
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
, which will bolster the local job market and will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the local economy,
thus
further
stalling the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cities.

In conclusion
, the trend of growing population rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
be tackled
by improving the basic infrastructure in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and creating high paying wages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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