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Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 5
Nowadays, worldwide modern cities are increasingly becoming overpopulated. There are two main causes, better education standards and work opportunities. Possible solutions would be a government plan to standardise curriculum systems and to establish new jobs in rural areas. One of the reasons why people are migrating to urban areas these days is that they provide better educational teaching and syllabus for their pupils. This is because of such cities have higher available resources and funds that allow them to improve significantly faster compared to other cities. For instance, the percentage of students who migrated to Sydney and Melbourne have risen dramatically since 1990, this is because many well-known schools and universities are generally located in these two cities. To tackle this issue, the government should take steps to increase the standard education quality and disperse the resources equally. Therefore, pupils would think twice prior moving, as they have the good accessible education in their area. Another problem that needs to be considered is the lack of job opportunities. As a result of a stronger economy in urban cities, employers are likely to invest new businesses there. For example, recent research discovered that eighty-five percent of new establishments are often situated in capital cities, hence forcing citizens to migrate in order to obtain new employments. One possible solution is for government to encourage companies to open their offices in rural areas by subsidising some of their expenses and train the inexperience workers there. If this is implemented it would reduce people from migrating to the city. In conclusion, overpopulation in urban cities is caused by low educational standards and job opportunities. The government needs to increase the quality curriculum levels and encourage new companies to open new businesses in rural towns.
Nowadays, worldwide modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
increasingly
becoming overpopulated. There are two main causes, better education standards and work opportunities. Possible solutions would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plan to
Possible spelling mistake. 'standardise' is British English.
standardise
curriculum systems and to establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
jobs in rural areas.

One of the reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are migrating to urban areas these days is that they provide better educational teaching and syllabus for their pupils. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have higher available resources and funds that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
faster compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
For instance
, the percentage of students who migrated to Sydney and Melbourne have risen
dramatically
since 1990, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known schools and universities are
generally
located in these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To tackle this issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take steps to increase the standard education quality and disperse the resources
equally
.
Therefore
, pupils would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice prior moving, as they have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
accessible education in their area.

Another problem that needs to
be considered
is the lack of job opportunities.
As a result
of a stronger economy in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, employers are likely to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
businesses there.
For example
, recent research discovered that eighty-five percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
establishments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
situated in capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
hence
forcing citizens to migrate in order to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employments. One possible solution is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to open their offices in rural areas by
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidising' is British English.
subsidising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their expenses and train the inexperience workers there.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
this
is implemented
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from migrating to the city.

In conclusion
, overpopulation in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is caused
by low educational standards and job opportunities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to increase the quality curriculum levels and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
businesses in rural towns.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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