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Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v.2

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v. 2
Picture of young, lean lady is advertised by the media as an ideal image in the society from last some years. Due to this, there are certain problems arising in the community which can be mitigated by several reasonable solutions. This essay indicates effects of this phenomenon as well as solutions to alleviate to tackle these problems. To begin with, people can blindly follow the celebrities who look beautiful and thin. Superstars also advertise many products of cosmetics, kitchen appliances, car and many more. Therefore, individuals become materialistic and want more possessions. Moreover, They spend more money on their fitness to become thin and if it doesn't achieve it cause stress in one's mind. Furthermore, people who are fat, they feel inferiority complex, which cause a detrimental effect on society. Additionally, some are not eating two meals per day which cause negative consequences on their health. For instance, my friend Neha wants to become thin like celebrity so she is putting more emphasis on her health and also using more makeup. Because of overexposure of cosmetics and less nutritious food she suffers from anorexia. To ameliorate this problems, censorship board of the media should take some measures that what to show on television and what not to show. Consequently, government should spread awareness among the societies and communities regarding the reality of the media world. Lastly, government authorities should start some programs related to fitness and healthy diet as a free of cost so anyone can take part in those programs. For example, in India government has started a healthy India contest for all people. To Conclude, thin image of a young lady as an ideal is created some detrimental effect on individuals' health and society. To solve this problem, the combined efforts of government and the censorship board of media to spread awareness about good health.
Picture of young, lean lady
is advertised
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as an ideal image in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
from last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years. Due to this, there are certain problems arising in the community which can
be mitigated
by several reasonable solutions. This essay indicates effects of this phenomenon
as well
as solutions to alleviate to tackle these problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
blindly
follow the celebrities who look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thin
. Superstars
also
advertise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products of cosmetics, kitchen appliances, car and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Therefore
, individuals become materialistic and want more possessions.
Moreover
, They spend more money on their fitness to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thin
and if it doesn't achieve it cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in one's mind.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, they feel inferiority complex, which cause a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are not eating two meals per day which cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, my friend
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neha
wants to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thin
like celebrity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she is putting more emphasis on her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
using more makeup.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of overexposure of cosmetics and less nutritious food she suffers from anorexia.

To ameliorate
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems, censorship board of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on television and what not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spread awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and communities regarding the reality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
world.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs related to fitness and healthy diet as a free of cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in those programs.
For example
, in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a healthy India contest for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To Conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thin
image of a young lady as an ideal
is created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effect on individuals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. To solve this problem, the combined efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the censorship board of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to spread awareness about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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