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Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v.7

Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v. 7
While it is not doubt that the technology is creating many features for the better life of people around the world of nations. Many individuals like to purchase current gadgets, mobile phones or laptops. The trend of it is increasing day by day. However, others reckon that it has no benefit. I deem that it is the best thing in order to learn something. I will discuss both the viewpoints and also add my specific opinion in the following paragraphs. Since the technology comes in human's hand, more and more people utilise to buy different kinds of items. Such as mobiles, laptops and gadgets. For example, in the modern era, people want to fulfil the needs of their family members throughout earning the money. They sign up their accounts on websites and use to work on it as online. With the help of these kinds of advent, save the time. And also able to do work sitting at their home, where they spend equal time with their family members as well as friends. Moreover, it is very helpful for everyone if they use automation items. People can share their pictures and videos as statues on websites. For instance, individuals know very well about everything how to consume the factors of machinery. When they meet any personality during their life. They click pics with them and upload on the internet. What is more, they able to communicate face to face. Because of this, they never feel alone. To conclude, although the machinery is improving their features with many ways. So I judge that it is a true that many people love to carry gadgets, mobiles, laptops and many more. It is very important for the people buy the items, which can be very useful in order to growth of the people.
While it is not doubt that the technology is creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features for the better life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world of nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
gadgets, mobile phones or laptops. The trend of it is increasing day by day.
However
, others reckon that it has no benefit. I deem that it is the best thing in order to learn something. I will discuss both the viewpoints and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my specific opinion in the following paragraphs.

Since the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in human's hand, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of items. Such as mobiles, laptops and gadgets.
For example
, in the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to fulfil the needs of their family members throughout earning the money. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up their accounts on websites and
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
work on it as online. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these kinds of advent, save the time. And
also
able to do work sitting at their home, where they spend equal time with their family members
as well
as friends.

Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for everyone if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
automation items.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can share their pictures and videos as statues on websites.
For instance
, individuals know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well about everything how to consume the factors of machinery.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
any personality during their life. They click pics with them and upload on the internet.
What is more
,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to communicate face to face.
Because of this
, they never feel alone.

To conclude
, although the machinery is improving their features with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I judge that it is a true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to carry gadgets, mobiles, laptops and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the items, which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in order to growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad thing? Discuss your opinion. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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