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Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families, this trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families, this trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. v. 1
It is undeniable that deciding to live with friends and even alone in self-owned accommodation can be more preferable for most people in these days. Even though some people believe that this trend tends to have negative impacts on communities, I definitely disagree because of what are the benefits obtaining by this independent life. First of all, living alone without relatives will inevitably encourage individuals becoming more mature. Instead of bringing out the drawbacks for societies, this will contribute to positive development in both workplace productivity and communities itself. This is mainly because people with independent personality are able to assist the company, organization and community in many sectors, and this can be seen in their responsibility to finish their owned tasks without relying on their family. For instance, Students in universities living far away from their family tend to become responsible and even impactful person in the societies. Another consideration by living alone will be the wide-ranged opportunity for searching the jobs in which they have become an expert. It is widely known that many fresh-graduated students whose skills in various sectors have lived in the countryside. So beneficial is to allow them to live in the other cities that they are able to work and contribute in their specific fields albeit far away from their hometown. For instance, many engineers and scientists in Indonesia decide to move and live alone to for the sake of working in industrial areas such as Tangerang, Surabaya, Balikpapan and Jakarta. In conclusion, how people decide to live has been altered significantly. I believe this will massively help individuals, especially the young in terms of building their nurture and providing the chance to contribute more in societies based on their expertise.
It is undeniable that deciding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with friends and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in self-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
accommodation can be more preferable for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these days.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this trend tends to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on communities, I definitely disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of what are the benefits obtaining by this independent life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
without relatives will
inevitably
encourage individuals becoming more mature.
Instead
of bringing out the drawbacks for societies, this will contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in both workplace productivity and communities itself. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with independent personality are able to assist the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, organization and community in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors, and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their responsibility to finish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
tasks without relying on their family.
For instance
, Students in universities living far away from their family tend to become responsible and even impactful person in the societies.

Another consideration by living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
will be the wide-ranged opportunity for searching the jobs in which they have become an expert. It is
widely
known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fresh-graduated students whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in various sectors have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the countryside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
beneficial is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the other cities that they are able to work and contribute in their specific fields albeit far away from their hometown.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
engineers and scientists in Indonesia decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
to for the sake of working in industrial areas such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tangerang
, Surabaya,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balikpapan
and Jakarta.

In conclusion
, how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
has
been altered
significantly
. I believe this will
massively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals,
especially
the young in terms of building their nurture and providing the chance to contribute more in societies based on their expertise.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families, this trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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