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Over sugar consumption is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. Discuss both the views and give your opinion? v.1

Over sugar consumption is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. v. 1
High intake of sugary products contribute to poor health. While some individuals believe the government should provide measures to reduce this situation, others say that the onus is on each person to decrease the intake of junk food. Both schools of thought are valid. However, I take a stand with those that feel that the people should watch what goes into their bodies. On one hand, the government can impose higher taxes on companies who make items that are bad for the body such as soda and chocolates. This will increase the price of these commodities. Hence, their purchase and consumption are reduced. In turn, it will lead to a generally healthier population because the incidence and prevalence of diseases linked to obesity will fall. Such policy was introduced in 2007 in Finland and the results are outstanding. On the other hand, people should be responsible for their health individually. Everybody knows what is good or bad for them and should work towards being disease-free. Living a healthy life is a personal decision and cutting down on fast foods is an important aspect of this lifestyle. I personally had to cut down drinking sugary drinks after I gained weight. This change in my habit has impacted positively on my health. Without a personal conviction, it is difficult to inculcate this good habit. Although both views are realistic, I think individuals should be in charge of their own lives and eat appropriately and not depend on the government to change their eating styles. A personal drive has to be their to cut down on fast foods. For instance, if one is addicted to sweet drinks, he will do anything to get it regardless of the price. In conclusion, the health of the people must be preserved regardless. Though the government can introduce policies to control the buying and selling of sugary products. I believe individuals should take the bull by the horn and minimize their consumption.
High intake of sugary products contribute to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this situation, others say that the onus is on each person to decrease the intake of junk food. Both schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
are valid.
However
, I take a stand with those that feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
what goes into their bodies.

On one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can impose higher taxes on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
items that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the body such as soda and chocolates. This will increase the price of these commodities.
Hence
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and consumption are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. In turn, it will lead to a
generally
healthier population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the incidence and prevalence of diseases linked to obesity will fall. Such policy
was introduced
in 2007 in Finland and the results are outstanding.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
individually
. Everybody knows what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them and should work towards being disease-free. Living a healthy life is a personal decision and cutting down on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this lifestyle. I
personally
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down drinking sugary drinks after I gained weight. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in my habit has impacted
positively
on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Without a personal conviction, it is difficult to inculcate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habit.

Although both views are realistic, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
individuals should be in charge of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and eat
appropriately
and not depend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating styles. A personal drive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be their to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods.
For instance
, if one
is addicted
to sweet drinks, he will do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it regardless of the price.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be preserved
regardless. Though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can introduce policies to control the buying and selling of sugary products. I believe individuals should take the bull by the horn and minimize their consumption.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Over sugar consumption is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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